


When I Look At You I Am Reminded Of What I Used To Be (And I Hate It. I Hate You.)

by Jack_Wilder



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Crass language, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M, Merlin's mother is awesome, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-15 22:48:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7241935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jack_Wilder/pseuds/Jack_Wilder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin clawed his way out of the poverty that he was born into and doesn’t want to be reminded of it. However, it is like a slap in the face when Eggsy waltzes into the Kingsman ‘Lancelot’ recruitment training. </p><p>Over time, their relationship slowly begins to change; at times it’s a bit toxic, however, there are times they seem to care a little for each other.</p><p>It takes time but eventually they find something in the other person to love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hate At First Sight.

**Author's Note:**

> This is something I have been working on. I wanted it to be one long 20,000 odd words fic, but I am now stuck on part of the story and really wanted to post it, so I have resigned myself to making it a multi-chapter fic.
> 
> Merlin’s real name is: Alistair Iagan Griogair
> 
> I chose these names specifically for Merlin:
> 
> ALISTAIR: Variant spelling of Scottish Gaelic Alastair, meaning "defender of mankind." - As he is a Kingsman agent who has been tasked with protecting the billions of people who populate the world.
> 
> IAGAN: Scottish form of Irish Gaelic Aodhagán, meaning "tiny little fire." - He worked hard to get where he is. He has a fire inside him that had never dimmed no matter what he went through; each taunt and insult just added fuel to the fire to make it burn brighter.
> 
> GRIOGAIR: Scottish Gaelic form of Latin Gregorius, meaning "watchful; vigilant." - He watches over the recruits as well as the other agents of Kingsman when they are out in the field. 
> 
> I researched the meaning of these names on Google, hopefully they are correct. 
> 
> I used Mark Strong’s real birthdate for Merlin.
> 
> Pardon me if I have butchered Eggsy's accent. 
> 
> If you like it that's great! :) If you don't that's too bad. Also if you have nothing but negative comments please to keep them to yourself.
> 
> All mistakes made in this fic are mine, if you see any mistake please to GENTLY & POLITELY point them out to me.
> 
> ENJOY!!!

The _Kingsman_ agent with codename: Merlin was born Alistair Iagan Griogair on August 5, 1963 to single mother Arabella Cait Griogair.

He remembers being born into a life of poverty, living on one of most the poverty stricken streets in Scotland, remembers the lack of a father and how it was just him and his mother and how she tried her best to give him a good life.

He remembers how he worked his ass off to get a scholarship to attend _Eton College_ , how he was surrounded by rich assholes who turned up their noses at the scholarship student, who bested them at everything. He remembers their taunts and insults and the physical altercations that occurred when some of them decided to push pass the boundary when they saw that their insults did not pierce his thick skin.

He remembers how elated his mother was when he graduated first in his class with another scholarship under his belt to attend _Oxford University_. He was again surrounded mostly by rich assholes, but he had _Eton College_ on his curriculum vitae so they kept their mouths shut once they were made aware of his high school background. Not to mention that he had grown to his full height of 6’2” and his intense piercing green eyes that could make even the devil cry for his mother were enough to silence the insults or at least have them be said when he was out of hearing range.

That was also were he had met Harry Hart, who he thought was a complete snobbish high born piece of shit until he got to know the man.

He learnt that while Harry was rich, he was not a snob and that it was equally hard work as well as being brought up under Mrs. Hart who taught her son to always be a gentleman and to never forget that he could lose all that he had.

The two became close friends, tackling the trials and tribulations of university and transitioning from teenagers into young adults. They challenged each other to do better, to be better. Harry always reminded Merlin that his past did not define him and to look at how far he had come.

Merlin almost forgot the times when he had to go to bed hungry because there was no money for food, how on nights like those he could hear his mother cry herself to sleep. He had pushed to the back of his mind the cruel words thrown at him by his school mates and even some of the teachers back at _Eton College._

He had forgotten about the blood, sweat and tears he gave in order to rise to his new status in life until they were both were both recruited for _Kingsman_. Going through the interview to become a _Kingsman_ brought back memories of his school days; they were still of the traditional value that it were men of station who were to be proposed as potential candidates.

It was after Merlin had destroyed all of the other candidates vying for the position of _Merlin_ did he gain an ounce of respect from his superiors. He made sure that he was the best _Merlin_ the secret organization ever had, but he never lorded it over them.

However, everyone at Kingsman knew never to mess with Merlin as he was the best at what he did and he had no problem with destroying anyone should they mention his upbringing.

As the years passed agents died or retired and new recruits were brought in each time; they were usually of station with the few exceptions who had no station but worked their asses off for a better life. That is how he had come to meet one Lee Unwin, who made it all the way to the final Kingsman test, only sacrifice his life so that Merlin, Harry and the other candidate could live.

He had respected the man for his determination, his bravery and his sacrifice. However, never in his life did he ever think that he would ever hate his son for reminding him of where he came from.

It was no secret at the _Kingsman Mansion_ that Lancelot had died and that the interview process would soon be starting. He was waiting for Harry to arrive with his candidate and when he saw the young man who stepped off the shuttle behind Harry he had to do a double take.

He slowly looked him up and down as he addressed Harry and raised an eyebrow in silent question towards which Harry ignored.

“Eggsy come here.” Harry beckoned the young over to where they were standing.

Merlin barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the nickname.

When the young man was standing in front of him, Merlin had no problem looking down his nose at him, which wasn’t difficult to do given Merlin’s towering height and Eggsy had to be no more than 5’10” tall.

“Eggsy this is Merlin. He is in charge of training all the new recruits. Merlin, this is Eggsy Unwin, my proposed candidate.” Harry introduced them.

“Nice ta’ meet ya’ guv.” Eggsy held out his hand to shake Merlin’s.

“Merlin raised an eyebrow at his speech and ignored the hand in front of him.

“Join the other recruits Mr. Unwin.” Merlin signalled with his pen the opened door through which low murmured speech could be heard.

Eggsy withdrew his hand and nodded at the two men before walking through it.

“Wow…were you so desperate to repay Lee’s sacrifice or are you trying to prove a point yet again?”

Harry turned to Merlin when he said that, “He’s a little rough around the edges, but I’m sure with some polishing from you he will be the shiniest diamond in there. Besides, I saw you checking out his arse, so what are you complaining about?”

Merlin kept quiet and rolled his eyes.

“Don’t be like that Alistair; remember where you are coming from. He _will_ surprise us all.” With that Harry left Merlin to do his job.

Since Merlin was in charge of training the recruits he was going through their files. He had read through all of them except for Eggsy Unwin. However, when he had reached his file and began to read it he felt his instant and severe dislike for the young man grow even more.

As he continues to look through the file he feels pure rage in his gut, he left his office and went to find Harry. After learning from Percival where he was Merlin burst through the doors of the library to find Harry sipping his afternoon tea and threw down the file on the table between them. Harry not the least perturbed by his friend’s behaviour waited patiently for his friend to speak. 

“He has a high I.Q. but yet he has done nothing with it, he was in the Marines and left six months before completing his training _six fucking months!_ And he was a great gymnast and he dropped out! He has wasted every chance he has ever had and he is going to waste this one as well Harry.”

“Maybe he just needs someone to believe in him.” Harry stated calmly and was rewarded with a look of disbelief.

Merlin scoffed.

“Merlin don’t judge him so harshly before you get to know him. Just think about how hard it was for you back when you were growing up.”

“The difference between us is that I actually did something about my situation. Mark my words Harry, he is going to fuck this up.” With that Merlin spun on his heels and left.

As the training progressed Eggsy surprised everyone with how smart and resourceful he was. He watched as he stood up all the other candidates with silver spoons up their asses and how his and Roxy’s friendship blossomed as they challenged and supported each other.

Still Merlin could not help but feel resentful towards Eggsy when he saw how hard he was working to change his situation. It kept on reminding Merlin of the years when all the wanted to do was give up, as it seemed easier to do than bust his ass; but then he would remember his mother and that she deserved much better and that is what would make him continue to work hard. He was so damn happy when he was able to buy her a brand new apartment in London and the look on her face when she saw it was worth all that he went through.

However, after the exchange that happened between them concerning Eggsy’s parachute, Merlin had almost snapped and told him what he really thought of him and how he wished that there was no parachute in Eggsy’s pack, but he held his tongue and walked away after pulling the cord on his pack letting the parachute pull him down on his ass.

A few days later, however, Merlin did snap and it was not pretty.

“I ‘ave no idea why Merlin hates me Rox.” The two friends were currently in the library; they were both studying Russian, one of the many languages that they had to add to their arsenal.

“He doesn’t hate you Eggsy. I think he just doesn’t want to seem as if he has any favourites.” Roxy tried to quell her friend’s worries.

Eggsy looked at her in disbelief, “He looks at me as if I’m the scum on the bottom of ‘is shoes Roxy.”

“I think you’re just seeing things Eggsy.” Roxy had seen the looks thrown at him by their resident tech wizard but she did not want to think that Merlin actually resented Eggsy and if he did, she had no idea why he would hate Eggsy; as far as she knew it was the first time they had met each other.

“Why don’t you go and look for Harry. I’m sure he would like the visit.” Roxy suggested.

Eggsy perked up at that, “Yea, yer right. See ya’ later Rox.”

Roxy waved at her friend as he left and hoped that Harry would be able to tame his fears.

As Eggsy made his way to the medical wing he was walking pass Merlin’s office and saw that the door was opened, he poked his head inside and saw Merlin sitting at his computer desk surrounded by many monitors, sipping tea and reading a book which Eggsy could not see the title of.

Eggsy walked in, “Good afternoon, wha’ ya readin’ there?”

Merlin’s head snapped up and his eyes narrowed when he realized that someone had managed to sneak up on him and worst that person was Eggsy.

Eggsy almost stopped short when he saw that open look of hostility, he knew he was not imagining things but decided to listen to Roxy and brushed it off thinking it was just a look Merlin gave to all the new recruits. He walked up until he was a few feet away from Merlin but enough to see the title of the book: ‘ _ **The Tenant of Wildfell Hall**_  by **Anne Brontë.’**

 **“** Oh! Tha’s a great book. Shame tha’ ‘er sister Charlotte, disowned ‘er because she thought it was a mistake ta’ publish it.” Eggsy smiled, pleased that he had something in common with the strict tech genius.

Merlin, however, was not as pleased. “I know that you come from questionable upbringing but I am sure that even where you’re from people know that it’s polite to knock before entering someone’s office.”

Eggsy was taken aback by the acrimonious tone of voice. “The door was opened.” He pointed at the fully opened door.

Merlin marked where he reached in his book, closed it and placed it on his desk, his eyes never left Eggsy’s, “and do you think that gave you the right to just enter without announcing your presence and waiting for permission to do so?”

For some reason alarm bells began to go off in Eggsy’s head and he took a step back which prompted Merlin to stand up.

“Umm…I didn’t mean no disrespect bruv, I jus-”

Whatever Eggsy was about to say was cut off when Merlin grabbed him by the collar of his Kingsman issued jumpsuit and slammed him into the wall by his desk, hard enough to rattle the young man’s teeth when his head bounced off the wall. Eggsy gasped in pain, and his hands flew up to try and pry Merlin’s own from his collar.

“Now listen here _boy._ ” Merlin spat the word as an insult, Eggsy looked up into eyes blazing with hatred, and he knew that there was pure fear showing in his own eyes.

“I am not your ‘bruv’ or ‘guv’ or any other ghetto term that you use to address your friends and I am most definitely _not_ your friend.” Merlin growled and pressed closer to Eggsy’s body, making it difficult for him to breathe properly.

“I have no idea out of which back ally Harry scraped you up from, but you sure as hell do not belong here and you will soon see that. You’re just another good for nothing chav.” Merlin tightened his grip on Eggsy’s collar and saw tears gather in his eyes; he felt a sick sense of satisfaction at that.

“I cannot stand the sight of you, so unless you want me to soundly kick your ass, you are going to leave my office right now, you will not speak to me unless spoken to and when I do address you, you best remember to speak to me in _The Queen’s fucking English._ Do I make myself clear?”

Eggsy proud that the tears had not fallen from his eyes, nodded his head afraid to speak.

“What was that?” Merlin growled.

Eggsy swallowed, “Yes, sir.” His voice small and face hot with embarrassment when the first tear fell down his face.

Merlin felt a pang in his chest at the fact that he was the cause for Eggsy’s tears but he ignored it. He nodded and released his hold on him, smoothing down the creases he had created in the once pristine jumpsuit. He wiped away the tear that was slowly making its way down Eggsy’s face.

“Good, now get out.” Merlin indicated towards the door with a tilt of his head and Eggsy all but ran from the room, making sure to quietly close the door behind him.

Merlin knew he had just made a major fuck up but he could not find it in himself to care.

After that exchange Merlin was sure that Harry would come and chew him out for his behaviour towards his candidate, but nothing happened; there were no threats of bodily harm or lectures about potentially fucking up a candidate’s interview.

 As far as Merlin knew, Harry was none the wiser about what happened and Eggsy, well Eggsy could no longer look Merlin in the eye. He continued to excel, but he was quiet anytime Merlin was addressing the recruits as a group and he made an effort to never to be in the same place as Merlin at any time especially if he was by himself.

Eggsy made it a point to avoid Merlin as all costs. Once they were walking down the same hallway going in opposite directions but they would have to pass each other, when Eggsy realized this he looked a bit panicked, his eyes began darting all over the place, never settling and what he did next left Merlin a bit stunned.

There was a window that Eggsy was about to walk by when he stopped, opened it and proceeded to jump through it.

Merlin as calmly as possible went to the window and looked down at the _seven storey_ drop only to see no signs of Eggsy anywhere. Satisfied that the young man had not killed or maimed himself in anyway, Merlin closed the window and continued walking to his destination.

The next day Merlin was pass the same window through which Eggsy had made his escape to see Eggsy sitting under a tree playing with his little pug, J.B., why he chose a _pug_ was lost on Merlin.

It was obvious from Merlin’s point of view that the young man was running his dog through various obedience drills and for each one he did correctly he was given a treat. Eggsy had a bright smile on his face and Merlin, no matter how much he detested the boy, could not deny that he was _very_ handsome.

Merlin had no idea how long he stood at the window observing Eggsy, when he saw the young man suddenly tense and then looked up to see Merlin watching him through the window. He watched as Eggsy took up his dog and went around to the other side where he was out of view.

After the second to last recruitment trial, Eggsy and Roxy are the only two left.

 It was customary for each agent to spend 24 hours with their proposed candidate before the last trial, that’s why currently Eggsy was in Harry’s living room, sipping his third extremely well made martini.

Harry had kept up to date on Eggsy’s progress throughout the interview process and was now regaling him with tales about his earliest years as a Kingsman.

“Wow, Merlin seems like such a hard-arse, can’t imagine ‘im bein’ anythin’ but.” Eggsy was swirling the contents of his glass mindless of the scrutinizing look he was being given by Harry.

“Everything alright with you and Merlin?”

Eggsy remembered the harsh words thrown at him by the tech wizard, he remembers how scared he was being cornered like that and how humiliated he had felt.

“Yea, why wouldn’ it be?” he lied.

“He hasn’t said anything to you?”

“No, ‘e hasn’.”

Harry knew something happened, he just didn’t know what and resigned himself to finding out tomorrow after the final test.


	2. Looking Good Eggsy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit got real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes made in this fic are mine, if you see any mistake please to GENTLY & POLITELY point them out to me.
> 
> ENJOY!!!

Merlin was still waiting to hear the gun go off in the other room and when it didn’t he was not surprised. He knew that Eggsy was going to fail the test, not because he stopped things at the least moment, but because he had grown attached to the dog.

He had developed a loving friendship with the dog, something that many previous agents did; however, whereas they had pulled the trigger no questions asked, Eggsy was a not some mindless twit who pulled the trigger at the word ‘shoot’ _and_ he would not pull the trigger on some helpless animal who did him no wrong.

Eggsy, Merlin realized is one of those _very rare_ agents who needed all the information and the full story before killing someone, especially if they seemed like an innocent.

However, while that was admirable it also posed a problem in terms of loyalty. If Eggsy was to become an agent and sometime down the line he had to kill a fellow agent, whom he also considered to be a friend, who betrayed the organization, then he would have problems with pulling the trigger.

Merlin had no idea where Eggsy had disappeared to after he had failed the final trial, but he figured he would find out from Harry at some point in time, in the meanwhile he was busy tracking down Valentine. And once he found the criminal he immediately notified Harry.

* * *

Merlin went to see Harry off for his Mission to Kentucky.

He found his long-time friend on the jet, mission dossier opened on his lap but he was staring out the window by his seat.

“I take it you heard about Eggsy.” Merlin said by way of greeting as he took a seat across from Harry.

He snorted, “Yes, I heard about him failing his final test and stealing Arthur’s car.”

Merlin raised his eyebrows, he did not know about that; it didn’t really surprise him considering the young man’s criminal background.

“I hijacked the car and brought him to my house. We got into a really bad row.” Harry was still looking out the window, regret clear as day in his voice. “I said such _horrible_ things to him, I didn’t even get a chance to apologize before leaving.”

Harry turned to Merlin and he hated seeing that look of defeat on his face, especially if the cause of it was Eggsy.

“Well you’ll get a chance to make amends when you get back, Harry.” Merlin just hoped that after this he was out of their lives for good.

“Merlin, I need to ask something of you.”

Merlin knew whatever was going to be asked of him, was extremely important and he doubted he could say ‘no’ to whatever it was.

“Of course Harry.”

Harry took a breath and let it out, “I need you to look out for Eggsy.”

Merlin was floored by the request. “What?” He asked eloquently.

“We never know if I am every going to make it back from any of these missions, no matter how simple they seem and for once I am leaving someone behind. Someone whom I care deeply for and in case I do not survive I need you to look out for him. He has no one else and he sure as hell is not going to look out for himself. I know it’s a lot to ask of you, but _please_ Merlin.”

Merlin was tempted to say ‘no,’ he did not want to have _anything_ to do with Eggsy, but what came out of his mouth surprised the hell out of him, “yes, I promise to watch out for the boy.”

Harry smiled and Merlin returned it, not knowing that was the last time he would see his friend smile.

9 hours later Merlin watched as the entire _hatemongers_ congregation of the Kentucky church was massacred by Harry Hart. He screamed at his friend, trying to break through whatever fog of bloodlust had clouded his mind but had no success.

He then watched as Richmond Valentine put a bullet through Harry’s head at point-blank range.

Merlin was stunned a few seconds and then he threw up. He had no idea what had just happened. After he cleaned himself up, he left his office to report to Arthur and to make arrangements for Harry’s body to be brought back home.

As he walked he had a fleeting thought that he would now have to keep his promise to Harry and resigned himself to visiting Eggsy later that evening in order to break the news gently about the death of his mentor.

Little did he know that back at Harry’s residence Eggsy _witnessed everything_ and was having a breakdown of his own.

Merlin was in the middle of making arrangements for the collection of Harry’s body when the door to his office was slammed opened and he spun around, gun raised, aimed straight between Eggsy’s eyes. When he saw who it was he lowered his weapon.

“Eggsy.” Merlin sighed, no doubt he already heard about Harry’s death, but from who? That was the question.

Eggsy was breathing hard, his face was red and he was clenching his left fist so hard that his knuckles were white, he was not looking at Merlin.

“If you’re here about Harry’s death, I understand, but I am in the middle of something important. If you want to remain in the manor until I am finished and can speak with you, you are welcome to do so; if not I will find you later this evening. Now if you will excuse me, close the door behind you.” Merlin did not wait for a response and turned back around.

“No.”

Merlin turned back to face Eggsy, an eyebrow raised. “Pardon me.”

Eggsy was muttering under his breath, _“fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!”_ He took a few calming breaths before looking at Merlin and speaking again.

“I’m not here about Harry’s death. Well that’s part of the reason, but not the whole reason why I am _here_ , _in_ _your office_.”

Merlin had a fleeting thought that at least Eggsy remembered to speak properly when speaking to him. “Then why pray tell are you _here_?”

Eggsy opened his mouth to say something but then he seemed to have thought better of it. He opened his left fist and looked at whatever it was that he was holding in his palm, something that Merlin could not see. He stared at it for a few seconds and normally Merlin would have been irritated at having his time wasted, especially by Eggsy but he would admit that he was curious as to why the boy was here.

Eggsy looked Merlin right in his eyes, something he had not done since their confrontation.

“Can I trust you?”

Merlin was thrown by the question. “What?”

“Can. I. Trust. You?” Eggsy said between clenched teeth.

There was something in Eggsy’s eyes that said Merlin was his _only_ hope. The _only_ one he could come to with whatever earth-shattering information he had.

“Harry asked me to watch out for you should he not have made it back from his last mission. I said, ‘yes’ and I intend to keep my promise.” Merlin saw something akin relief flood Eggsy’s face.

He walked towards Merlin and held out his hand waiting for Merlin to hold out his own hand and when he did, Eggsy opened his fist allowing a microchip to fall into Merlin’s awaiting hand.

Merlin stared at the object and then looked at Eggsy.

“Where did you get this?”

“I got out of Arthur’s head after he tried to poison me.”

Merlin shot up out of his chair, startling Eggsy causing him to take a step back, “what?!”

“What are you asking about? The chip in his head or the poison?’ Eggsy took another step back and was prepared to defend himself if he had to.

“The poison! How did you know he was trying to poison you?” Merlin never liked Arthur but he never thought he would stoop so low as to murder an innocent person, but knowing that he was in cahoots with Valentine he did not find it hard to believe.

“Well he was being _nice to me_. He has _never_ been _nice_ to me so why start now? He poured us drinks to toast Harry even though there was already a toast and we all know that Arthur was a stickler when it came to tradition. When I asked about what Harry found out concerning Valentine, he said that the ‘proper authorities’ would handle the situation and that did not sit right with me.”

Eggsy paused and took a deep breath before continuing, “He also did not take kindly to me saying that I’d rather be with Harry. That’s when he showed me the poison pen.”

Merlin cursed under his breath.

“But what you posh blokes don’t know,” Eggsy’s expression became vicious, “is that us common folks have _extremely_ light fingers,” he wiggled his fingers for emphasis, “I switched the glasses before he even knew what had happened.”

Merlin would never admit it but he was impressed.

“So what now?  Valentine has all the world leaders and royal families tucked away safely in somewhere in a secret mountain bunker, that we only know the location thanks to Arthur’s double-crossing. How are the two of us going to infiltrate it? We need at least another person.” Eggsy was looking at Merlin as if he had all the answers to the questions of the universe. He did not have those answers but he did know someone else he could bring into their three person mission.

“Tell me Eggsy, how much do you trust Roxy?”

“With my life.” Was the immediate answer.

“Good, we will collect her and brief her on the way. Follow me.” Merlin walked off and Eggsy did as told.

The two men walked in silence to the shooting range where they found Roxy.

“Rox!”

Roxy spun around, surprised to see Eggsy.

“Eggsy!” She enveloped him in a bone crushing hug. “What are you doing here? I am so sorry about Harry.”

“Thanks, but great news, we know where Valentine’s secret mountain bunker is.”

Roxy let go of Eggsy and looked at the two men.

“How?”

“We’ll explain on the way Rox, we jus’ need ta’ know if we can trust ya’. So can we?”

Roxy’s expression became serious. “Yes, you can.”

“Great let’s go.” Merlin turned and left the shooting range, Eggsy grabbed Roxy’s hand and they followed. Merlin glanced back and saw that they were holding hands and he felt a stirring in his gut, something that he did not wish to examine too closely.

On the way to the bunker Eggsy briefed Roxy on what had happened and her part of the job for the mission. Roxy was nervous as hell and Eggsy did his best to calm her down.

“Oh my God! I hate heights.” Roxy said as she began ascension towards the stratosphere in order to take out one of Valentine’s satellite.

“Ya’ got this Roxy girl! Yer the best! Tha’s why yer Lancelot.” Eggsy held her hands in support as she ascended and held on for as long he could until he had to let go. He watched his friend rise higher and higher and prayed that she would be ok.

“Eggsy! We have to get going!” Merlin called to him and he went back to the jet.

When the door closed and the autopilot began take-off, Merlin came to Eggsy with a suit bag in his hands.

 “Harry had this made for you before he died. Your very own bespoke suit.” Merlin gave the bag to an awestruck Eggsy who took it reverently.

“Thank you Sir.”  Eggsy took the bag and went to change. When he looked into the mirror and saw his reflection he couldn’t believe that he was looking at himself. He looked so different. “What a difference clothes can make.” He muttered to himself before opening the bathroom door and stepping outside for Merlin to see him.

Merlin looked up at Eggsy and did a double take, a sudden flare of desire hit him when he saw the young man and he had to swallow. “Looking good Eggsy.”

Even though they were working together for the time being, Eggsy remembered the harsh words that spilled from Merlin’s mouth that day in his office and was still wary of him but replied nonetheless, “feeling good sir.”

“Good because the next few hours are going to be _fucking_ _insane_ for lack of a better term, so prepare yourself.”

Eggsy nodded and sat down on the jet’s couch, going over the mission plan in his head.

Merlin was right, the next few hours were _fucking insane_ , they all did their parts, however, 10% of the world’s population was still dead, not to mention the world leaders and the royals who all had chips in their heads and got them blown off thanks to Eggsy’s brilliant plan when he and Merlin had be cornered.

Eggsy breathed a sigh of relief as the last hostage was released from his cell and other _Kingsman_ agents took over looking after the hostages until they were able to fly them out and back to their respective home countries.

He made his way back to the jet and boarded it, he was bruised in many places, his head was throbbing, the blood had just stopped flowing from a cut on his cheek and lip, he felt tired and wrung out.

“Hey Eggsy,” He turned and saw Merlin standing in the doorway of the cockpit, a barely there smile on his lips, “great work.”

Eggsy nodded, “thank you, sir.”

Merlin frowned and walked towards him, “how are you feeling?”

Eggsy snorted, “sore, tired, _relieved_.”

Merlin raised his hand to touch a bruise on Eggsy’s face who flinched back before contact could be made. Merlin dropped his hand, “we better go and get Roxy before she freezes. Get some rest if you can.”

Eggsy nodded and laid down on the couch falling into a dreamless sleep; he slept so deep that he did not know when Roxy was picked up and had to be woken up when they arrived back at the manor.


	3. What A Cruel Tongue You Have.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The three persons who tell the truth:
> 
> 1) Children
> 
> 2) Drunk people
> 
> 3) Persons who are mad as hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes made in this fic are mine, if you see any mistake please to GENTLY & POLITELY point them out to me.
> 
> ENJOY!!!

** 2 Weeks Later **

Eggsy had just hung up the phone after a call with his mother. She was still so ecstatic at having her own home where she and Daisy are safe away from Dean and his goons. Daisy was happy as well with having her own room and many toys than she would ever be able to play with.

Eggsy looked around the living room of his own home, formerly Harry’s house. He had kept everything the same, even Mr. Pickle was still in the bathroom, although he never used it or the master bedroom where Harry used to sleep.

Hearing the doorbell brought Eggsy out of his thoughts and he got up off the couch, walking towards the front door with J.B. walking and barking alongside him.

“Hush J.B.! Yer goin’ ta’ chase away whoever’s out there.” He scolded the dog which did nothing to quiet the pug.

Eggsy opened the door and was surprised to see Merlin. He suddenly felt underdressed in his white t-shirt, his jeans and bare feet, whereas Merlin had on a goose-grey bespoke suit. “Do you want to come?” He asked, still intimidated by the man and was praying that he would say ‘no.’

Merlin nodded and Eggsy stepped back so that he could enter, he looked around the house. “You haven’t changed anything.”

“I couldn’t bring myself to.” Eggsy then remembered his manners, “would you like something to eat or drink?”

Merlin shook his head, “no, thank you. I just came to ask you a question.”

Eggsy remained silent, waiting for Merlin to ask his question and then hopefully he would leave.

He had gotten the respect of all the _Kingsman_ agents after they heard how he stood up to Arthur and helped to save the world. They had all called an emergency meeting to clean house, finding and bringing home the bodies of fallen agents, both those turned by Valentine and those who were innocent. They all elected Percival to be the next Arthur, a position he graciously accepted and the first thing he did was to offer the position of _Galahad_ to Eggsy. He was advised to take the two weeks off to decide on his answer in case he had changed his mind, which he did knowing that he had to come down off his adrenaline high before making a lifelong commitment to a job where it was guaranteed that he may one day come back in a body bag.

“Are you going to accept the position of _Galahad_?”

Eggsy stood up straight and squared his shoulders, looking Merlin straight in his eyes. “Yes, I am. It’s a great opportunity that I blew once, _I am not_ going to make that mistake a second time. And it’s a great way for me to honour the memory of Harry. He saved my life when he proposed me as a candidate, it just really hurts that we left each other after such a bad row and I did not get to apologise for all the awful words I hurled at him.”

The memory of him standing at Harry’s grave as dirt was thrown onto his casket made tears burned at the back of Eggsy’s eyes but he refused to cry in front of Merlin ever again.

“That’s good to hear and if it’s any consolation, Harry himself felt bad about the way he left things with you and he wanted to apologise as well. I assume that you will be in tomorrow to give your official answer.”

“I will, bright and early. A gentleman is always punctual.” Eggsy said.

“That he is, something Harry never seemed to understand.”

There was a moment of awkward silence where both men looked at each other; Merlin seemed to be searching for something in Eggsy and Eggsy just wanted Merlin to leave his home but was too polite to outright say it.

Merlin coughed to break the silence, “Well I just wanted to know what you were going to do about the position and I quite pleased with your answer.”

He smiled, and held out his hand to Eggsy which he shook, noting how small his hand was in comparison to the Scottish man. Merlin left after that, closing the door behind him.

Eggsy was left staring at the door; that was the first time he had ever seen Merlin smiled and it was aimed at him.

For two months Eggsy went on back-to-back missions, some very complex and others as simple as intel gathering. However, he always made sure to keep his guard up and to not get cocky. It also helped that for every mission Merlin was his handler and he made sure to keep himself in check so as not to give the Scot another reason to hate him.

Even though Eggsy was a full-fledged agent now, he still made sure to keep his interactions with Merlin to minimum, only speaking with him if it was mission related.

Merlin kept his promise to Harry of keeping an eye on Eggsy, that is why he was always his handler for missions, and he ensured that Eggsy’s and his mother’s homes were always monitored for their safety. He initial dislike for Eggsy had begun to wane; he observed how resilient and quick witted the young agent was. He was not selfish, often ensuring the safety of others before his own, which on several different occasions almost gave Merlin a heart attack which he would never admit.

He was not blind and saw how Eggsy still kept his distance from him despite the numerous times they have worked together. It was _extremely obvious_ that other agents, including Arthur had commented on it. Eggsy would only converse with Merlin if it was mission related and he remembered how uncomfortable the young agent was when he had visited him at his home so he made sure not to return there; anything he had to say to Eggsy was done on _Kingsman_ grounds.

He wanted to apologise to the young man for his previous behaviour towards him, but he did not know how to do it without sounding and looking like a complete asshole. Merlin was usually a man of action but this one time he hoped that the situation would somehow work itself out.

In the meantime they both had a system that worked for them and so they kept to it. That is until the metaphorical dam broke.

* * *

Eggsy was on his way to give his written report to Merlin and to drop off some of his gadgets for repair before leaving the manor for his two weeks of well-deserved vacation. He knocked on Merlin’s office door but heard nothing, he opened the door and stuck his head in but the office was empty which was unusual; the other agents all joked that Merlin had a bedroom attached to his office because he did not go home to sleep; however, that was something that would forever remain a mystery to Eggsy as he and Merlin would never be close enough for him to ask if there really was a bedroom or not.

Eggsy left the report and damaged gadgets on the desk with a note addressed to Merlin when he heard a faint sniffling sound. He went still and ceased breathing to see if he really had heard something or if it was just his imagination. He heard it again and followed it, he walked around some shelves and came to a sudden stop, surprised to see a partition of the wall _opened_ , there was a light spilling out of it and the sounds he was hearing were much more pronounced now.

He slowly and quietly walked to the opening and cautiously stuck his head inside and was astonished to confirm that the agents had not been joking; Merlin did in fact have a bedroom attached to his office. And it was no ordinary bedroom either, it looked like something out of a high-end hotel. Eggsy’s eyes jumped all over the room until they settled on a figure huddled in the middle of the middle of the bed on its side.

Eggsy’s eyes widened as he realized that it was _Merlin_ _crying_ , but as he looked closer, he was not crying but it seemed as if he was having a full on breakdown. He was clutching a picture frame to his chest and murmuring something to himself, tears were running down his face and soaking the bedsheet.

Eggsy’s heart broke at the sight before and he suddenly felt that he was _definitely_ intruding on a private moment that was not meant to be witnessed by anyone. He was about to quietly leave the doorway when Merlin’s eyes snapped opened and green eyes met blue eyes.

There was a moment when nothing happened and the two men stared at each other, until Merlin launched himself off the bed and Eggsy startled.

 _“Oh shit!”_ Eggsy turned and sprinted as fast as he could around the shelves back out into the spacious office making a beeline for the door, he heard the loud footsteps behind him and that only encouraged him to run faster, if he made it through the door he would be safe for the time being from Merlin’s wrath.

He had almost made it to the door, his safe haven when he felt a strong arm wrap around him and the door was slammed shut before he could make it outside, the arm around him using his momentum slammed him into the door _hard_ , knocking the air out of his lungs and his glasses off of his face. His arms were trapped at his side courtesy of the arm still wrapped around him and he felt a broad, firm chest press against his back.

To say Eggsy was scared would have been the understatement of the year, his mind flashed back to that day in Merlin’s office when he had first made his dislike for Eggsy out loud and he remembered the hate in those eyes and the threat of kicking his ass.

 _“What the fuck did you think you were doing?”_ Was growled into his ear.

 Eggsy scrunched his face up, an apology on the tip of his tongue, all that escaped was a gasp as Merlin pressed his body harder into Eggsy’s smaller frame. He could feel his ribs being compressed and he could not breathe. He panicked thinking Merlin was trying to kill him slowly.

“MERLIN! Please! I can’t breathe! _I can’t-I can’t breathe!_ ”

The weight eased up off of Eggsy and he was spun around only to be slammed back into the door. Once the world had stopped spinning from the lack of oxygen and being slammed twice into the door, Eggsy opened his eyes and looked up at Merlin.

There were tear stains on his face and fire burning in his green eyes. Eggsy swallowed, opening and closing his mouth a few times not being able to say anything which annoyed and already pissed off Merlin.

“Speak!” Merlin shouted and emphasised by slamming his hand against the door right by Eggsy’s head, the other had a very tight grip on his bicep and Eggsy knew that by tonight there would be dark purple bruises in the shape of a hand.

“I’m _sorry!_ I came to drop off my report and gadgets for repair. I didn’t see you so I was leaving them on your desk when I heard a strange sound and I followed it and I found you. _I swear I wasn’t spying on you!_ I didn’t even know that I would find anything! _I am sorry Merlin!_ ”

Eggsy was breathing hard at the end of his explanation/apology, however, Merlin was not easing up on his grip of Eggsy’s arm, if anything it just got tighter and tighter.

“You’re hurting me Merlin.” Eggsy whispered dropping his eyes to the floor.

Merlin growled, “why do _you_ have to look like _him_ so much?”

“What?” Eggsy raised his head, confused by Merlin’s words.

 _“Harry.”_ Merlin hissed, fresh tears gathering in his eyes “I see my _dead_ friend every time I look at you and I am _sick_ of it.”

“I want him back. _I want my friend back.”_ The tears began to roll down his face and Eggsy’s heart broke for his tearful plea.

“I’m sorry.” Eggsy voice was soft and that seemed to break Merlin.

He leant forward and rested his forehead on Eggsy’s shoulder, soaking the expensive bespoke suit with the tears that were two months two late for his best friend’s death. The hand that was braced on the door slid down to Eggsy back where it grabbed a fistful of suit, wrinkling the material, his other hand finally released the tight grip it had on Eggy’s bicep.

Merlin was weeping uncaringly on Eggsy, the young man he hated.

Eggsy on the other hand had no idea of what to do; his handler who told him months ago that he hated him was now crying on his shoulder all because Eggsy looked like Harry. He didn’t know what to do about the situation and so did the only thing that came to mind: he wrapped his arms around the taller man, standing on his tip toes so that Merlin did not have to bend so much. He ran his hands up and down his back like he did for Daisy when she was upset.

That seemed to have made it even worse for Merlin whose knees buckled and Eggsy tried as best as possible to ease their fall to the floor. His back was still pressed against the door and Merlin was sitting between his spread legs, his face still pressed into his shoulder weeping, holding onto Eggsy as if he was his lifeline.

 Eggsy let him cry himself out as it seemed to be the only thing that would work. He held him as he cried, not saying anything. Merlin tears were finally drying up and he sniffled a few times before sitting up and letting go of Eggsy who was looking at him with concern in his blue eyes, no judgement in sight.

_“Get out.”_

“Excuse me, what?” Eggsy was taken aback, first Merlin cries on his shoulder and now he was telling him to leave. Eggsy knew that Merlin had problems with him because of his upbringing and he was well within his right to leave him broken and alone on the cold floor of his office, but it was something that Harry would not approve of, as he had told Eggsy not to be better than his fellow man but to be better than he was before.

“You heard me. _Leave_.” Merlin growled.

“How about _fuck you_.”

Merlin glared at Eggsy, murder in his eyes and Eggsy matched his look.

 _“What did you just say to me?”_ Merlin’s face was now inches from Eggsy’s who did not back down one bit. His blood was beginning to boil and he had the passing thought that he might have an all-out brawl with his handler.

He was getting tired of Merlin’s shit, “I said: _fuck_ _you._ I don’ care about yer stupid ass feelin’s towards me, wha’ I do care abou’ is wha’ ‘arry would say about me leavin’ ‘is bes’ frien’ cryin’ an’ alone on the floor of ‘is office.” He was so angry that he forgot to speak properly.

Merlin was shocked at how Eggsy was speaking to him, not the fact that he had slipped back into his lower-class accent and speech, but that he was standing up to him, when for months he wouldn’t even look him in the eye, even after them working together to bring down Valentine, he had reverted to staring at a spot over Merlin’s shoulder when speaking to him.

Eggsy took a couple deep breaths to get his anger in check before he did or say something he would regret.

“Here’s what we’re going to do: you’re going to go and clean up yourself and then you’re coming out drinking with me. You need to get properly sloshed.”

There was a short staring contest after Eggsy made his plans clear and Merlin conceded defeat.

“Fine, I’ll go out with you this once, but you’re buying.” He said as he got to his feet, looking down at Eggsy who was still on his ass.

“Great,” Eggsy said as he got to his knees, “I’ll wait for you right here…” He trailed off as he and Merlin realized at the same time that he was in the perfect position for sucking Merlin’s cock, which actually stirred at the comprehension of the situation.

Eggsy looked up at Merlin from beneath his eyelashes and he had to walk away before he did something that _he would certainly regret._

Merlin locked himself in his bathroom and tried to get rid of images of him taking out his cock and ramming it down Eggsy’s throat, seeing those plump red lips stretched around his thick cock and seeing tears in his blues eyes wondering how far down his throat he could go before the boy’s gag reflex kicked in. His knuckles were white from the grip he had on the face basin and he breathed in and out to calm himself down.

He knew the boy was beautiful, anyone with a pulse and not blind knew that the boy was beautiful but he would not stoop so low as to fuck a chav –especially a protégé of Harry’s- even if it was a one-time thing but right now that seemed easier said than done.

After washing his face and changing into a clean shirt and sweater vest, Merlin made his way back to Eggsy who was standing by the office door.

“So where are we going?”

The wicked grin that Eggsy bestowed him with sent a shiver of thrill down his spine that he did not want to even think about.

“We all us _Chavs_ like to go.” And with that Eggsy turned and exited the office with Merlin trailing behind him.

* * *

Seeing how it was a Friday night, _The Black Prince_ was not packed with patrons, there was a buzz of noise but not too much that you couldn’t even hear yourself think. Eggsy walked ahead of Merlin and nodded to the regulars who saw him and raised their glasses at him, Merlin kept his eyes firmly on Eggsy’s back.

Eggsy led him to his favourite booth.

“Ok, so anythin’ in particula’ ya’ want ta’ drink?”

Merlin looked up at Eggsy from where he was sitting, arms folded on the table in front of him even though it went against all his _Kingsman_ gentleman training and raised an eyebrow.

“Did you forget how to speak to me?” The coldness in his voice was enough to give someone frostbite.

Eggsy grinned cheekily, “me turf,” he spread his arms out to encompass the whole of the pub, “I can speak anyway I chose ta’. Now wha’s yer poison?”

Merlin stared at Eggsy and did not answer.

Eggsy unperturbed by Merlin’s behaviour grinned wider, “I’ll chose. Stay ‘ere, I’ll be righ’ back, an’ don’ talk ta’ anyone. I don’ need ya’ to be startin’ a bar fight.”

Eggsy walked off before Merlin had a chance to rebut that statement. He rolled his eyes to turned his head to look out the window beside him, “I’d never start a bar fight.” He muttered to himself.

Eggsy made his way over to the bartender, “I’ll have a pint an’ yer strongest drink fer me friend over there.” He indicated over his shoulder with his thumb at Merlin who was ignoring everyone in the pub.

Eggsy got the drinks and went back to Merlin setting them down on the table, “a pint fer me an’ somethin’ ta’ burn out ya’ inside fer ya’.”

Merlin took up the drink and sniffed it frowning and with a ‘fuck it’ tilt of his head he down it in one go with a horrified Eggsy looking on.

“Wha’ tha’ fuck mate?! Are ya’ crazy?!”

“Well you said that I should get ‘properly sloshed’ and that is what I intend to do.” Merlin levelled Eggsy with a gaze and Eggsy shook his head, signalling to the bartender for another drink like the first one for Merlin.

Eggsy was still nursing his first drink while Merlin was now slowly sipping his _fifth_ drink. He was a bit tipsy, but he was not slurring as yet and he seemed to have loosen up as little, well that’s what Eggsy thought as Merlin had rolled up the sleeves of his shirt and was shocked to see _Celtic knot tattoos_ creating sleeves along both strong arms. Eggsy never knew arms were a thing that could get him hot but it seems as if it was. His eyes kept going back to Merlin’s arms, something that the man did not miss.

“Your reaction is a lot more tamed compared to Harry’s when he first saw them.”

Eggsy’s eyes snapped up to meet Merlin’s alcohol glazed ones.

“Really?”

“Yep.” Merlin threw his head back and drained his glass, Eggsy’s eyes followed the motion of his throat swallowing and licked his lips.

“He nearly lost his damn mind the first time he saw them. Asking why I wore long sleeve shirts and that I should show them off. He literally could not keep his hands off of them,” Eggsy raised an eyebrow at that statement, “he was always tracing them when he had the opportunity. I thought he would have grown out of it as he got older but he never did. I told him that he should get one himself but he never did.”

“Well I’m sure tha’ if I ever put me han’s on them ya’ would make sure tha’ I could never use them again, so I’ll jus’ admire them wit’ me eyes.” Eggsy finally finished his drink but did not move to get another one, whereas Merlin had flagged down the bartender and got his _sixth_ drink which was now _half_ of what it was before.

“You’re right about that.” Merlin looked straight in Eggsy’s eyes and he did not back down an inch, staring right back into intense green eyes, “I _hate_ people touching me. Harry though, Harry was the exception and the bloody fool had to go and get a bullet shot into his head.”

Eggsy winced at that, his wounds still fresh from Harry’s death and Merlin noticed, his eyes softening for a bit.

“He would have been proud of you lad. He left a legacy: you and you better live up to it and outlive him. I don’t need you dying on me as well.”

Eggsy did not know what to say to that so he simply nodded and the two men lapsed into silence.

At 2:48 A.M. Eggsy was supporting a _very_ drunk Merlin, who it turns out was a quiet and sad drunk, but the latter could be just because of the recent events. Eggsy braced Merlin against the door-jam as he opened the door to his house and then led the Scot inside and carefully up the stairs to the guest room.

Eggsy coaxed Merlin into stripping off his clothes so that he would be more comfortable as he slept and so that Eggsy could wash them.

“Harry did this for me before.” Merlin drunkenly slurred.

“Wha’ was tha’ mate?” Eggsy was gathering up the discarded clothes and had to come closer to the bed to hear what was said which was a mistake on his part, as soon as he was close enough apparently even drunk Merlin was still strong as hell, he grabbed Eggsy’s collar and dragged him down so that they were nose to nose.

“Harry has done this for me before, stripping me of my clothes.” Merlin sounded angry again and Eggsy swallowed not sure if it was out of fear or the images that suddenly flooded his head when Merlin said that. He always did wonder about the nature of Harry’s and Merlin’s relationship with each other and it seemed as if he was getting an answer now.

Merlin’s hold on his collar shifted so that he was now cupping Eggsy’s jaw.

“You’re such a _beautiful_ boy.”

He blushed at the compliment, but what Merlin said next doused him like a bucket of cold water, “if the spy business doesn’t work out for you, you will surely have a future in sucking cocks.”

Eggsy’s eyes widened as Merlin’s thumb brushed his plump bottom lip, “such beautiful cock sucking lips you have. Tell me Eggsy is that how you got Harry to propose you as his candidate.”

Eggsy was frozen on the spot as those cruel words fell from a venomous tongue and velvet lips.

“Did you get down on your knees and suck him like a good little _rent boy_?”

At that Eggsy pulled himself away from Merlin who smiled at him cruelly.

“Yer a cruel man. Is this ya’ up holdin’ yer promise to ‘arry? Is this ya’ keepin’ an eye on me?” Eggsy held Merlin’s clothes to his chest as if they could protect him from the man’s cruelties.

Merlin did not comment, he rolled over turning his back on Eggsy, within a few seconds thanks to all the alcohol he consumed. Eggsy watched him sleep for a few minutes before leaving the room and closing the door behind him.

He went to the washroom and threw the clothes into the washing machine and as they were washed he went and got changed for bed. When the machine went off he took the clothes and put them in the dryer, deciding that he would iron them in the morning.

Eggsy went back upstairs and walked to Harry’s old bedroom, he opened the door and stood on the threshold looking at the bed. Even though he did not use this room he made sure that it was kept clean and that the bed sheets were changed every week. Bracing himself, Eggsy climbed into the bed and snuggled down into the blankets, he did not fall asleep instantly, instead Merlin’s words kept replaying themselves in his head and he could not help the first tear that escaped his eye, or the second, third and the many that came afterwards.

That night Eggsy cried himself to sleep, with Merlin sleeping peacefully in the guest room.


	4. From Bad To Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Punches are thrown and even crueler words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes made in this fic are mine, if you see any mistake please to GENTLY & POLITELY point them out to me.
> 
> ENJOY!!!

Merlin awoke the next morning with a sour taste in his mouth, a dry throat and a throbbing headache. He found that he was clad in only his boxer briefs in a strange room which h soon recognized to be Harry’s guest room. He looked beside him to see two aspirin tablets and a glass of water on the bedside table with written instructions for him to drink all the water which he did, the water doing wonders for his throat. He looked around the room and found his suit is hanging in the closet freshly laundered.

After showering and getting dressed he smelled food and went downstairs to see Eggsy in the kitchen cooking breakfast for them both. He stood and watched the young man cook a greasy breakfast that would help with his hangover when everything from the previous night including the cruel words he hurled at Eggsy came back to hit him like a train. He suddenly felt sick with himself and he must have made a sound because Eggsy turned around and what he saw made him feel even worse.

Eggsy eyes were red and puffy as well as his nose and Merlin knew right then that he had cried himself to sleep.

“Great yer up, ya’ can set the table, breakfas’ will soon be ready.” He turned back to the bacon he was frying.

Merlin went about his task quietly and once breakfast was ready, Eggsy dished for both of them. He poured tea for Merlin and coffee for himself and they both eat in silence.

“This is great.” Merlin said when he took the first bite of his food.

“Thank you.” Eggsy kept his eyes firmly planted on his own plate. “How’s yer head feelin’?”

“It is feeling much better, thank you for everything you did.” Merlin was looking at Eggsy who had yet to look up from his plate.

“Ya’ don’t have ta’ thank me. I’m sure ‘arry would be rolling in ‘is grave if I ‘ad jus’ lef’ ‘is boyfriend by ‘imself cryin’ on tha’ ground.”

Merlin choked on his tea, “I beg your pardon. ‘Boyfriend? I’m not Harry’s boyfriend.”

That finally made Eggsy look up from his plate, “wha’?”

Merlin sighed, “Harry and I were never an item. We were _never_ involved with each other. Harry was straight, we just had a _very long and close friendship,_ that’s it, nothing more nothing less.”

“So, why’d ya’ make it soun’ like ya’ were a couple?”

“Because I was drunk out of my mind lad, I knew what I was saying but had no idea how I was saying it and how it was being interpreted.”

“Oh.” Eggsy shrugged and went back to his food.

Merlin looked away from and glanced out the window, the sun was beating down hot on the pavement outside and after some internal battling he looked back at Eggsy.

“Eggsy.”

“Hmm?” he looked at Merlin.

“I’m _very_ sorry about what I said last night.” Merlin reached across the table and placed his hand over Eggsy’s making sure that he had the young man’s attention and to get his point across.

“That was a line that I should _never_ have crossed. It was crass and it was tremendously cruel of me to say and it’s not true; you do know that it’s not true. You are one of the best agents we have ever had; Harry knew that and that’s why he proposed you.”

Eggsy looked at their hands and looked back up at Merlin, plastering on his brightest smile that he knew did not reach his eyes.

“It’s ok. I got shit like tha’ all the time from Dean and his goons, ain’t nuttin’ new ta’ me.”

Merlin’s grip tightened on Eggsy’s hand.

“Plus it’s not tha’ first time ya’ sayin’ such awful things ta’ me.” Merlin looked away, ashamed of his behaviour.

“Now, if you’re finished I need to clean up. I promised Daisy I would take her to the park today.” Eggsy slid his hand out from underneath Merlin’s and began to clear the table.

Merlin did not miss who Eggsy had effortlessly slipped back to speaking to him properly and he frowned thinking that it did not suit him.

“I can help.” He barely got the offer out before Eggsy shot him down.

“No, thank you. I got it. Your jacket is by the door, I trust that you can see yourself out.” Eggsy’s back was to him and Merlin felt like a right arse.

“See you on Monday Eggsy. Thanks again for taking care of me.”

“No problem and see you on Monday Merlin.”

Merlin left the house promising himself on the way to his home that he would try and be nicer to Eggsy.

* * *

 

Eggsy was asleep when he was rudely awakened at 3:56 A.M. on Sunday morning by the beeping of his glasses. He fumbled for them and put them on.

“Wha’?”

“Galahad.”

Eggsy was wide awake and sitting up at the call of his codename, his legs already hanging off the bed.

“Yes, Merlin?”

“Tristan needs back-up for a mission gone south in Guatemala.”

Eggsy was up and out of bed, rummaging in his closet for a suit and his weapons. “What’s his status?”

“He’s alive and relatively unharmed, however, he needs help with getting out of the country. A car will be at your residence shortly.”

“Ok, Merlin, I’m ready.” Eggsy slid the last knife into the inner pocket of his jacket.

“Oh, one more thing Eggsy, Tristan’s mission is to be _aborted_ , no matter what. Am I clear?”

“Crystal clear Merlin.”

5 hours later Eggsy disobeyed direct orders, after he had deemed Tristan’s mission still good to go, he and the other agent carried it out and risked his life to finish it. Eggsy sustained a few knife wounds nothing fatal and a dislocated shoulder, while Tristan got a bullet to his right shoulder and a concussion. They were both treated by the plane’s medic and were resting when Eggsy got a call on his glasses, accepting it he was greeted with the very pissed off face of Merlin.

“Eggsy, when you get back to the manor, bring your reckless arse _directly_ to my office. Am I _clear?_ ”

Eggsy was shamed face, “yes, sir.” Was the quiet answer.

When the two agents arrived back at the Manor, Tristan was escorted to the medical wing while Eggsy made his way to Merlin’s office. Arriving at the door Eggsy knocked and entered after receiving permission to do so.

Upon entering the office he was met with the stern gaze of Merlin.

“What did I say before you left for your mission Galahad?”

Eggsy looked down at the ground feeling as if he was back in school being reprimanded by his teacher.

“Look at me when I am speaking to you Galahad.”

Eggsy looked up and felt as if he was going to be burnt alive by how intense those green eyes were glaring at him he bit his bottom lip and felt a lump the size of his fist in his throat.

“What did I say?” Merlin demanded.

“Tristan’s mission is to be aborted.” Eggsy recited word for word, voice quiet.

“What was that?” Merlin leant forward in his chair. “I couldn’t quite hear you.” He got up and began to walk towards Eggsy who took a step back for every step forward the livid tech wizard took until his back hit the door and he was well and truly cornered.

Merlin kept walking until he was a few inches away from Eggsy, they were not touching but he could feel the heat coming off the young agent in front of him and their close proximity forced Eggsy to tilt back his head to look at Merlin.

“Tristan’s mission is to be aborted.” He repeated in a stronger voice.

Merlin nodded his head in a considering manner; but that was the _calm before the storm_.

“THEN WHY THE BLOODY FUCK DID YOU DISOBEY DIRECT ORDERS?!” Merlin screamed in his face, slamming his hands against the door on both sides of Eggsy’s head and that, that reaction right there was the last and final straw for Eggsy he had had enough of Merlin’s shit.

He brought up his hands between them and with a hard push he shoved Merlin away from him.

“I DISOBEYED ORDERS BECAUSE I SAW AN OPPORTUNITY AND I **_TOOK_ ** IT!” He shouted back at the top of his lungs, not caring that he was being or who might have heard him outside of the office he was sick and tired of the way Merlin was treating him. So what if he came from a poor background, not everyone could be born with silver spoon shoved up their ass. He figured that after _everything_ he had done, he had earned his place and had proven himself time and time again. He was not asking for Merlin’s respect what he wanted was for Merlin to at least treat him like a human being and not an insect to be squashed. 

“I went in to aid Tristan and when I learnt more about the situation _since I was there experiencing it_ ,” He continued and began to advance on Merlin who stood his ground, “I made a call to continue the mission and guess what: we _saved_ the lives of ten innocent children. _TEN CHILDREN!_ ”

Eggsy was now pressing against Merlin’s firm body poking him in the chest with every word he said not giving a shit about the consequences.

“Ten children were saved from _human traffickers_ and guess what _sir_ ,” Eggsy made sure to look Merlin dead in the eyes, “I would _**fucking**_ do it again!”

There was a heavy silence in the room when that was said. Both men were staring at each other, Eggsy panting from anger and renewed adrenaline coursing through his veins and Merlin was looking at him with a peculiar look in his eyes.

The next thing he knew is that he had Eggsy pinned to the door again, only this time he had one hand gripping the young man’s waist tightly while the other had a fistful of his brown hair tilting his head back so that he could plunder that delicious and filthy mouth.

He may not have liked Eggsy or thought that he was worth the effort and energy that Harry had put into making him what he now was which is a _damn good_ agent, but he would admit that Eggsy was _fucking beautiful_ ; it was _something_ that Merlin could not _ignore_ about Eggsy and it made him dislike the young agent even more.

Even though Eggsy had had a _very_ rough life growing up, it did nothing to tarnish his beauty both inside and out, but right now Merlin’s only concern was how far he could push his tongue down the young agent’s throat before they both had to come up for air. He held on tight to the young man and continued his assault on his lips.

Eggsy let out a squeak at the sudden assault, his eyes wide wondering how the hell they had gone from shouting at each other to Merlin attacking his mouth with his lips, but he soon melted into the kiss, allowing Merlin to take what he wanted and oh did he take. He sucked on Eggsy’s tongue and bit his lips until they were red, he still had a grip on Eggsy’s hair pulling on it and swallowing the moans that the action elicited. Eggy’s uninjured hand was fisted in the material of Merlin’s sweater, pulling him even closer so that they were pressed together from lips down to their knees.

The hand that Merlin had on his waist had somehow managed to get passed his jacket and shirt to reach smooth warm skin where it left a scorching trail as it made its way to the front of Eggsy’s slacks where he palmed his hardening erection.

That action caused Eggsy to come back to his senses and he pushed Merlin back from him, separating their lips and their bodies from one another. They stood there panting and looking at each other, Merlin’s pupils were dilated, and his lips red and Eggsy’s eyes glanced down at the front of his pants to see the outline of his hardened cock. Eggsy was not faring any better himself, but the words that Merlin said to him that night when he brought him home from the pub drunk resonated in his head:

“ _If the spy business doesn’t work out for you, you will surely have a future in sucking cocks…such beautiful cock sucking lips you have. Tell me Eggsy is that how you got Harry to propose you as his candidate…did you get down on your knees and suck him like a good little rent boy?”_

“I’m no cock sucker.”

Merlin still panting did not heard what was said.

“What was that lad?” He asked taking a step towards Eggsy who flinched back.

Eggsy looked up at him, a miserable look on his face and tears in his eyes.

 _“I’m no cock sucker.”_ His voice trembled.

All the blood that had gone south in Merlin’s body went straight to his head when those words registered in his brain and he sobered immediately.

“Shite, lad, I’m, I’m-“

“Don’t.” Eggsy cut him off. “I don’t want to hear it. You spoke your mind.”

“I know that I have not been kind to you but what I said when I was drunk out of my mind and I _am_ sorry that I crossed such a line with _you_.”

Eggsy laughed bitterly and Merlin cringed at the sound.

“You know who always speak their minds Merlin: kids, _drunk people and persons who are pissed the hell off_ and you were 2 out of 3! Besides, we both know how you feel about me. Hell, the _whole o_ f _Kingsman_ knows how you feel about me.

“Eggsy please, I _am_ sorry for how I have treated you.” Merlin reached for Eggsy but he shrank back from the touch, pressing himself into the door as if he wanted it to swallow him up.

“ _Don’t touch me!_ Just don’t. You have _hated_ me from day one when I did nothing to you! _Nothing!_ I saw how you looked at me when Harry first introduced us. I saw it, but I chose to ignore it figuring that’s how you looked at all the new recruits, but after a while I realized it was just me. But Roxy told me it was just my imagination until that day in your office.” Eggsy stopped to take a breath and closed his eyes to control the tears that were threatening to fall.

When he opened them he pinned Merlin with an expression that made Merlin want to shoot himself for being so cruel to the lad when it was Merlin’s issues with his past that was the problem; not Eggsy.

“Ya’ remember tha’ day don’ ya’? Speak ta’ me in tha’ _queen’s fuckin’ English_.” Eggy smiled a very malicious looking smile, “well guess wot bruv, _fuck ya’._ The only reason yer ‘pologising righ’ now is because ya’ want ta’ get in my pants. But contrary ta’ popular belief, I ain’t no cocksucker, never ‘ave been an’ never will be especially fer posh bloke wit’ a fuckin’ silver spoon up ‘is arse.”

There was another moment of silence after Eggsy had said his piece, Merlin was speechless and Eggsy was a cross being angry and hurt. He straightened up and fixed his clothes, smoothing his hair back into place.

Clearing his throat, “Now, sir, regarding my disobedience of direct orders, albeit it resulted in lives being saved, I will accept whatever punishment you deem fit. However, know that if you ever put your hands on me again, _I_ will definitely wipe the floor with _your_ arse. If that is all may I go?”

Merlin nodded, needing Eggsy to get out of the room.

Eggsy turned on his heel and left without a sound, closing the door quietly behind him.

Once he was alone in his office Merlin grabbed his favourite mug filled with tea and hurled it at the wall in frustration and shame at his behaviour towards Eggsy. He had no idea how to rectify the situation; for the first time in his life he was completely clueless but he knew the one person who would be able to help him, grabbing his jacket Merlin for the first again in his life left work early.

* * *

 

Forty-five minutes later, Merlin knocked on a non-descript apartment door in the wealthy part of London and a smile broke out on his face when the door opened.

“Hi mum.”

“Alistair! It’s so good to see you!” Merlin’s mother pulled him down into a tight hug which he gladly accepted. He took a moment to inhale the lilac scent of her perfume that was her favourite.

“Not that I’m not happy to see you but what are you doing here? I thought you’d still be at work being James Bond.” Merlin rolled his eyes and pulled back from the hug.

“I’m not James Bond mum. Hell half the things he does would get a real spy killed in five minutes.”

Merlin’s mother laughed, “Ok, sweetheart. So what are you doing here?”

He sighed dejectedly, “Mum, I messed up real bad.”

“Oh my. Come inside, I think this calls for something strong.”

Merlin walked into his mother’s spacious and airy apartment that he had bought for her when he had just begun working at _Kingsman_. He took off his jacket and sat down on the couch. His mother then came back with two glasses and a bottle of whiskey.

“So, what happened?”

Merlin took the offered whiskey his mother had poured out for him and knocked it back in one go relishing in the burn as it went down his throat. His mother eyed him and set the bottle in front of him so that he could help himself to another drink if he wanted it.

Sighing again Merlin launched into the story of Eggsy, how he had trained his father and how he died on the last test protecting him, Harry and the other candidate who became Lancelot. He told her of how Eggsy did not have the best life growing up and how Harry had helped him when he was arrested. For 2 hours he sat and told his mother all about his treatment of Eggsy and she sat and listened never interrupting him or showing any judgement via facial expressions.

At the end of his spiel Merlin’s mother took a sip of her whisky and looked thoughtful.

“So let me get this straight, you basically treated this young gentleman like shite because he reminded you of your past?”

Merlin felt his face heat again with shame and it sounded so silly when he heard his reasoning said out loud.

“Well, yes.”

Merlin’s mother rolled her eyes and got up to sit beside her son, pulling him into a hug and stroking his head.

“Alistair, you need to remember that even though you both have similar backgrounds you had something he didn’t.”

Merlin looked at his mother with confusion written all over his face.

“Social support. He did not have any social support. Now, you had all the support I could shower you with. I supported you when you got into _Eton College_ and _Oxford_. I supported you when you joined a spy organization that I know nothing about.” His mother winked, “But from what you have told me, he had no one in his corner. Now if you are a brilliant lad who excels at anything he put his mind to but has no support, grew up in an abusive home and has to look out for his mother and baby sister what do you think is going to happen?”

Merlin rested his elbows on his knees and dropped his head into his hands, “I’m such a twat. I know how brilliant and working he is, he’s proven so time and time again but I just could not see past his background and all the opportunities he has wasted. I honestly thought he was going to waste this one but he surprised us all.”

“Ok, so have you told him this?”

Merlin felt even more shame for what he was about to tell his mother, “I might have gotten drunk one night when he was trying to be a friend and told him that he’d be great at cock sucking.”

There was a moment of stunned silence.

“Alistair Iagan Griogair!” Merlin’s mother smacked him upside his head _hard._

Merlin grabbed his head in pain, “mum, that actually hurts.”

“Good, you deserve it; you hurt that poor lad a lot more. How dare you say that to a young man, one who is your subordinate no less?! What the hell is wrong with you?! I did not raise you to be so cruel!”

His mother knocked back her whisky in anger. “You’ve broken my heart. Congrats lad, you’ve broken your mother’s heart. I hope you’re happy.”

“Stop being so dramatic.” He sighed rolling his eyes.

“Don’t you dare roll your eyes at me young man, I will slap you so hard that _Google_ won’t be able to find you.”

Merlin got up and started pacing in frustration, his mother watched him silently.

“That’s not the only problem is it?”

“What’d you mean?” He asked still pacing.

“You like him.”

That stopped Merlin in his tracks and he turned slowly to look at her.

“I beg your pardon.”

“You like him.” His mother smiled, “you like him and you _acted_ on it only to be rejected.”

His eyes widened as she spoke, as if she had been there to witness everything.

“How the hell do you know all that? Are you in some secret spy organization that I don’t know about?” He teased.

Kind, warm green eyes locked on his, “I’m your mother I know these things without you telling me and after the way you treated him and called him a cock sucker it’s no wonder he rejected you.

“Yes, I will admit that I like the lad, but whatever chance I ever had at even being his friend was lost the moment I uttered those words at him.”

“Well Alistair you will just have to make him listen.”

“And how do you propose I do that?”

His mother shrugged, “I don’t know. How about you use your spy skills. Just let him know how sorry you are and how much he wanted to make amends. Prove to him that you will never judge him for his upbringing again.”

Merlin thought for a while and then nodded, “thanks mum. I really appreciate you listening and helping.”

“Oh son,” she got up and pulled him into a hug, “I’ll always help you while I’m alive and even when I’m gone I will still help you.”

“I love you mum.” He whispered into her hair.

“I love you too Alistair.”

* * *

It was late when Merlin knocked on Eggsy’s door and he was greeted with an exhausted looking expression which upon realising who was at the door quickly changed to guarded and miserable. His arm was still strapped to his chest to prevent any movement that may interrupt its healing and he was leaning a little to the right more than likely a cause of the knife wounds he sustained.

“How can I help you _sir_?”

The ‘sir’ sounded like and insult to Merlin’s ears and if it was he deserved it.

“May I come in?”

Eggsy’s body was blocking the door, preventing Merlin from forcing entry if he wanted to and he could see the wheels turning in his head, wondering if it was a good idea to allow him entry to his home.

“Please. I just want to talk. I want to explain myself and hope that there is a chance to make amends for my treatment of you.”

Eggsy reluctantly allowed him entry to his home.

Merlin walked into the living with Eggsy trailing after him, his arms folded across his chest and distrust in his eyes.

“I would offer you something to eat or drink but I don’t feel like being a gentleman or a good host right now.” Eggsy said coldly.

“I understand. Please just sit all I want to do is talk.” Merlin took a seat on the couch and Eggsy sat in the arm chair opposite of him directing his blue eyes at Merlin who did not know that his eyes could look so cold.

“I want to apologise for the cruel words I have said to you and the way I have behaved towards you. It was not only unprofessional of me but also unbecoming as a gentleman, not to mention that my mother raised me better than that.”

“Yea’ well she mus’ be horrified abou’ how ya’ turned out.” Eggsy sneered.

“Well she slapped me when I told her.” That got Eggsy’s attention.

“Did she now?”

“Yes, she did. She was livid with me, but she also told me to be honest with you in order to make amends. And that is what I plan to do. I want to tell you why I have treated you the way I have.”

Eggsy dragged good hand through his hair and down his face. “Ok, fine, let’s hear wot bullshit excuse ya’ ‘ave fer me.”

“I want to earn your trust Eggsy and to do so I am going to tell you something about myself that only Harry knew.”

Merlin saw Eggsy sit up a bit straighter with that and while he had a damn good poker face he could not hide the curiosity in his eyes.

“My name is Alistair Iagan Griogair.”

Merlin watched Eggsy reaction to that piece of information.

“Yea’ I’ll stick wit’ ‘Merlin’ tha’s a fuckin’ mouthful bruv.”

“Yes, it is, isn’t it?” Merlin laughed.

“But tha’ alone ain’t goin’ ta’ do shit about anything bruv. Ya’ tellin’ me yer name really doesn’ do jack-shit fer me.”

“I know, I know.” Merlin pinched the bridge of his nose, he could feel Eggsy’s eyes on him and he looked up to meet his gaze.

“You remind me of where I come from.”

Eggsy’s tilted his head, confusion clear on his face.

“Wot?”

“I grew up poor.”

Eggsy blinked and then blinked again clearly not computing what was said.

“My mother was a single mother, who raised me by herself without any help from anyone. My father ran off the moment he found out that she was pregnant. It was just us and I remember how hard she worked to give me a good life. In turn I worked my ass off and got into good schools where I was ridiculed by students and teacher alike because of my socio-economic background.”

Eggsy was quiet listening to what Merlin had to say.

“But their ridicules only fuelled my fire and made me work even harder to show them that I was better than them, that I didn’t need money to get ahead in life. I worked and worked and _worked._ Every opportunity I got I did not squander; I squeezed everything that I could out of them. And I am proud of where I am today.”

“Ok, ya’ grew up poor an’ I remind ya’ of tha’ so…” Eggsy trailed off as the pieces began to fit themselves together and then it dawned on him. “Tha’s why you were so cruel ta’ me? Because I was poor an’ somehow it made ya’ ‘ave flashbacks to ya silver spoon less life?”

Eggsy got up and began to pace his living room, his left fist clenching and unclenching and he was breathing hard with Merlin’s eyes tracking his every movement.

“It’s not only that Eggsy.” Merlin said quietly, knowing what he said next would make Eggsy even angrier.

“Really? Wha’ else is there bruv?!” Eggsy stopped his pacing and crossed his arms staring down at Merlin.

“The fact that you wasted a lot of opportunities you got, such as your  high I.Q. you did nothing with it for most of your life, you were in the Marines and left six months before completing your training, _six fucking months Eggsy._ ’ Merlin got up so that he was now standing in front of Eggsy, inches away from him. “You were a great gymnast and you dropped out of that as well. You almost wasted your _Kingsman_ opportunity over a dumb dog.”

“Oi! Fuck ya’ bruv!” Eggsy got up in Merlin’s face, “J.B. is no’ a dumb dog! He’s my bes’ frien’ somethin’ ya’ won’t understan’ seein’ as how yers’ is dead!” Eggsy’s hand flew to his mouth when he said that.

“Oh shit Merlin, I’m s-”

Eggsy’s apology was cut off by a hard back hand across his face courtesy of Merlin who looked just as stunned as him, his hand still suspended in the air from the slap.  Eggsy’s left cheek was on fire and he put a hand to it, only to feel something liquid on it, when he looked at his hand he saw blood on it; he saw blood on his hand from the cut made on his face from the slap that Merlin had delivered across it, he saw blood and when he looked up at Merlin he saw red.

Eggsy saw red and the next thing he knew he was on top of Merlin delivering punch after punch after punch with his good hand until Merlin had overpowered him and was trying to restrain him without hurting his dislocated shoulder, which he finally succeeded in by pinning his arm down on the floor and straddling his thighs so that he couldn’t move his legs.

“Get ta’ fuck off me! I’m goin’ ta’ kill ya’, ya fuckin’ piece of shit! Where do ya’ get off hittin’ me?! I’m goin’ ta’ murder ya’ Merlin!”

“Eggsy! Stop! You’re going to hurt yourself!” Merlin tried to calm him down not wanting him to irritate any of his injuries.

“No more than ya’ already hurt me! **_GET OFF ME! I HATE YOU!_** I hate you! I hate you!” Tears began streaming down Eggsy’s face and he didn’t care, he was in pain, exhausted and frustrated.

Merlin saw how upset Eggsy was but he did not let up, his heart was breaking at how he had treated him and he knew that there would be no way for him to make amends.

“We’re from tha’ same background! Ya’ shoulda’ ‘ave ‘ad my back an’ wanted me to excel!” Eggsy was red in the face, “Instead ya’ treated me like trash! Yer a horrible person Alistair Griogair!”

Eggsy stopped struggling for a moment closed his eyes to block out the man above him and took a few deep breaths. His body was trembling under Merlin’s.

“Get tha’ fuck off me or _I will scream rape._ ”

“No, you won’t Eggsy. You’re not that kind of person.”

“How do ya’ know wha’ kinda person I am? Ya’ never tried ta’ get ta’ know me. Ya’ jus’ judged me from the start. Ya’ took one look at me an' read some words on a piece o’ paper an’ judged me!”

He started struggling again catching Merlin off guard who almost lost his upper hand of the boy. “Fuck ya’ yer cock sucker!” And as soon as he started he stopped again, a peculiar expression on his face that worried Merlin, “maybe tha’s how ya’ did it.”

“Did what?” Merlin was thrown by how quickly Eggsy switched between screaming like a banshee to being as calm as ever.

“Maybe _you_ sucked _cock_ , maybe that’s how you got _all_ those _‘opportunities’_.” Merlin could _hear_ the quotation marks around ‘opportunities’ and he did not miss how Eggsy had switched back to _perfect_ English and he knew that he deserved the venom that was _dripping_ from Eggsy’s tongue.

“ _You’re_ the fucking cock sucker here, _not me_. Tell me Merlin, did you get down on your knees for your teachers in their classrooms after school or maybe during school hours, the kinky fucker that you are.” Merlin remember similar words he said to Eggsy just a day ago.

“Did you open your pretty little mouth and beg for their cocks like a good little boy?” Eggsy taunted mercilessly. “Did you look up at them, mouth full of cock with your pretty green eyes and choked on their cum or did you bend over their desks and let them have a go at your marvellous arse?”

Merlin squeezed Eggsy wrist, his free hand curled into a fist by Eggsy’s head not out of anger or warning him to stop, but he was getting hard from what Eggsy was saying even though none of it was true which they both knew. Merlin needed to get off of him before he found out how his words were affecting him but he did not know if Eggsy would try to attack him again.

“Huh Merlin? Did you enjoy it when they were wrecking _your arse?!”_ Eggsy bucked up when he said that and Merlin moaned at the contact of his hardened cock getting friction.

Both men froze, Eggsy looked down and saw an impressive tenting of Merlin’s trousers and he looked up at him, blue meeting green and he deliberately bucked up again, dragging a moan from Merlin who felt his cheeks aflame with heat; a mixture of pleasure and horror.

Eggsy continued to buck and grind, dragging moans and groans from Merlin who did nothing to stop him, he let himself get lost in the sensation and the filth that was falling from Eggsy’s lips.

“Fuck Merlin yer’ goin’ ta’ come jus’ from this aren’t ya’? Fuck yes! Com’on Merlin, com’ fer me an’ after are yer’ goin’ ta ‘suck my cock? Are yer’ goin’ ta’ hold my hips down an’ suck my cock Alistair?”

That was it, his name on those sinful lips made him fall over the metaphorical cliff. His vision whited out and he squeezed his eyes closed, he rode out his orgasm as best as he could knowing that later regret and remorse would overtake him but right now he did not care. Merlin was panting, trying to regain his senses after that plunge, his pants sticky with cum, he looked down at Eggsy who was looking back at him, an unimpressed look on his face and was doing something with his mouth.

Eggsy pursed his lips and spat on Merlin who was stunned. He finally let go of his wrist and sat up still straddling Eggsy’s thighs. He wiped the spit off his cheek and distantly in the back of his mind he knew that Eggsy’s wrist was going to be sporting a very impressive bruise; another thing he could add to his list of injuries.

Eggsy leaned up on his elbow, eyes boring into Merlin’s “ _Get the fuck out of my home.”_ He hissed eyes narrows and a fire burning in them.

Merlin gracefully got up off Eggsy who remained on the ground eyes tracking his every movement. Merlin collected his jacket and put it on as he walked to the door. He hesitated before opening it, “I _did_ come here to make amends with you Eggsy. I did not think that things between us would get _even_ worse. However, I am _still_ your handler that will not change. I made a promise to Harry to keep an eye on you and I intend to keep that promise no matter what.”

After he said his piece Merlin left, feeling a lot worse than he did before.


	5. Apologies Are Made.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a fine line between love and hate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes made in this fic are mine, if you see any mistake please to GENTLY & POLITELY point them out to me.
> 
> ENJOY!!!

Merlin did not hear from Eggsy for the week that he was off due to his injuries. He did not know what the boy, - _no, the young man_ -, he kept reminding himself did after he had left him alone on the floor. Shame had burned his face the whole way home as he thought about Eggsy’s athletic body under his, taunting and teasing him and bringing him to completion. However, it was not and embarrassed sort of shame, but shame that he liked it and that night before going to bed he got himself off with thoughts of how it would feel if there were no clothes between them, how it would feel to do more than just rut against Eggsy.

After that night Merlin tried to keep all thoughts of Eggsy like that out of his head, lest he do something as foolish like that again once he sees him for his next mission. He knew that Harry was turning on his grave, horrified by what he did.

Merlin was currently in the shooting range perfecting his already _perfect aim._ What a lot of persons did not know was that Merlin was the organization’s _top_ sniper. He was blowing holes through target after target with perfect precision, always hitting the target in the head. He was also by himself, the other agents knew something had upset the resident tech wizard and they decided to keep their distance not wanting to suffer the well-known ‘ _Merlin Wrath.’_

He had just unloaded a cartridge of twelve rounds when his glasses beeped, he put the gun down and turned them on to see the face of Arthur.

“Yes sir?”

_“Merlin call Galahad, we have a situation on Colombia that needs to be taken care of immediately.”_

“Right away sir.” He disconnected the call and inhaled deeply before calling Eggsy. It would be the first time in a week since he had seen or spoken to him and he did not know what to expect.

_“Galahad.”_

Merlin snapped out of his thoughts when he heard that strong voice that had said all those _filthy_ words to him a week ago.

“Galahad, you’re needed for a mission immediately. A car is en route for you, it will be there in fifteen minutes.”

_“Thank you Merlin.”_

The call was disconnected and Merlin made his way to his office to prepare for this last minute mission.

Within half an hour, Eggsy was walking into Merlin’s office, no longer using a sling to hold his right arm to his body, he looked good in the _Grey-Goose_ suit that he had on an _exact_ replica of the one Harry had made for him. Merlin looked him up and down, an act that Eggsy did not miss but also did not comment on. Gone were the days when Eggys would not look Merlin in the eye, now he looked back with a challenge in his eyes that for the life of Merlin he could not figure out.

“So, heard that I am going to Colombia,” he says by way of greeting, walking up to Merlin’s desk where he leans his hips against it, causing their knees to brush against each other’s. His arms are across his chest and he is looking down at Merlin, who felt as if his blue eyes were trying to see into his soul.

Merlin clears his throat, “yes, it’s a recon mission, but still keep your guard up please.”

“Will do sir.” Eggsy gave casual salute and left.

* * *

In less than 2 hours the mission goes to hell in a hand basket.

“Shite! Galahad the exits are completely blocked!” Merlin was trying to find an escape route for the young agent who was currently running as fast as he could up the stairwell of a warehouse that was supposed to have been empty, but he had walked in on a massive drug deal going down and then the shooting began.

“Yeah, I know!” He panted back, “Kind of the reason why I am running _up_ and not down.” He ran out onto the roof and fired back hitting the three goons that were on his tail. He ran to the edge of the roof and halted, looking at the distance of the building next to the warehouse.

“ _Galahad_ don’t you dare do what I _know_ you’re going to do.” Merlin was seeing what Eggsy was and he knew that Eggsy would have to sprout wings to make the distance.

“There’s really no other way Merlin. Don’t worry I’ve jumped _much farther_ distances.” Eggsy said as he backed up a few feet to get a running start in order to make the jump.

Merlin stopped what he was doing, “I beg your pardon, _‘much farther_ _distances?’_ My God, you’re going to send me to an early grave lad.”

Eggsy chuckled darkly, “Well it wouldn’t be the worst thing considering what you have done to me.”

Merlin did not get a chance to respond once he saw that Eggsy was airborne and the roof that was his target was rapidly approaching. He saw via the glasses that Eggsy had landed and rolled safely to his feet on the roof when the world around him exploded and the connection to the glasses was lost.

Merlin was stunned, his ears ringing from the explosion and then he snapped back into action, trying to get the connection back up and to get Eggsy to respond. He began calling in agents who were close by to assist with retrieving him.

“It’s ok Eggsy, you’ll be alright, help is coming; just stay safe.”

Little did Merlin know that on a building’s roof top next to a rapidly burning warehouse laid agent Galahad unconscious with blood running from a head wound, his ears, nose and from a wound in his right arm where a 5 inch piece of glass was lodged.

* * *

Six hours, five cups of coffee and a lot of pacing later, Merlin was finally able to see Eggsy. When he entered the recovery room in the medical wing of _Kingsman_ Manor he was not prepared for the sight before him.

Eggsy was pale and looked extremely small in his hospital bed, the dimmed lights in the room did nothing to hide his cuts and bruises. He was asleep and hooked up to an I.V. bag that was pumping fluids into his blood, as well as another one that was replacing the blood that he had lost when he was bleeding out on a roof top in Colombia. His was wrapped in bandages, the most noticeable was the one around his head, and while he did not suffer from any brain damage the doctors and nurses were keeping a close eye on his vital signs, especially his brain waves.

Merlin took a deep breath and released it, going over to the other side of the bed and sat down in the comfortable armchair waiting for Eggsy to crack his eyes open.

It was almost twelve hours later when Eggsy’s eyes opened to see Merlin standing by the window looking out the grey sky.

“Do ya’ think ‘arry is turnin’ in ‘is grave?”

Merlin whirled around at the raspy voice and was by his side immediately, helping him to sit up and giving him some water to drink to ease the dryness in his throat.

“’Ow long was I out fer?” He rest his head back on his pillow and his eyes drooped, it was becoming harder for him to stay awake.

Merlin sat back down in the armchair, “a few hours lad.”

Eggsy levelled him with a look even with his eyes more than half closed, “were ya’ ‘ere the _whole_ time?”

“Ay lad, I was. From the moment they brought you in.” The older agent slouched down in his seat taking off his glasses to rub at his eyes, the last few harrowing hours finally catching up on him now that Eggsy was awake and talking.

“Merlin I can’ keep my eyes open,” Eggsy began to slur as he was being dragged back down into the dark pit of sleep, “ya’ should get some sleep too.”

“Ok lad, but I’m staying right here with you.”

“Hmm, thanks Merlin.” Eggsy finally lost the battle and fell back asleep.

“Anytime lad.” Merlin promised himself that he would try again at making amends with Eggsy and with that he closed his eyes and fell asleep instantly.

The next morning Merlin wakes to find Eggsy looking at him, an unreadable expression on his face, he looked much better than the night before he notes absently.  They stare at little at each other until Eggsy opens his mouth and breaks the silence.

“I’m sorry.”

Merlin blinked, confused as to why Eggsy was apologising.

Eggsy saw the confusion clear as day on his face an elaborated on his apology.

“I’m sorry for what I said and _did_ that night you came over to my home to apologise.”

“ _Did?”_ Merlin repeated and then blushed, holding his head down he remembered what had transpired between them.

“Yeah,” Eggsy rubbed at his bandaged head out of embarrassment and not pain. “It was rather a _disgusting_ move on my part and I cursed myself over it after you left. I had wanted to apologise for so long but I did not know how to approach you.” Eggsy began to play with his blanket so that he did not have to look at Merlin.

“No,” Merlin reached forward and placed his hand on Eggsy’s blanket covered knee to get his attention, “I should be the one apologising. I took out past frustrations on you and you were right, I should have had your back and encouraged you.”

Eggsy shrugged, trying to ignore how Merlin’s touch was scorching him through the blanket. “I guess we both fucked up huh?”

“Well you were just responding to my actions, can’t really blame you.” Merlin was unaware that his thumb was now stroking Eggsy’s knee. “I must commend you though, on your ability to switch between perfect English and ‘chav speech’ if you want to call it that. It’s great for spy work, being able to blend in effortlessly.”

“Thanks.” Eggsy gave him a bright smile despite the bruises on his cheek and something in Merlin’s chest warmed at the sight.

 “So where do we go from here?” Eggsy was looking at him waiting for an answer.

“Well you have to still heal and after that you will have to do some physical therapy.”

“No,” Eggsy gently shook his head, “I meant _us._ Where do _we_ go from here?”

Merlin was suddenly tired again and feeling his age. “I honestly don’t know Eggsy.”

“Ok…how about that kiss. Why don’t you start there? What was that about?” Eggsy raised an eyebrow.

“I may have hated you Eggsy,” Merlin made sure to look Eggsy in the eye, “but I am not blind. I can appreciate beauty and a work of art when I see it.”

Eggsy was silent for a moment and Merlin watched as he turned red and wondered how far the colour went.

“So ya’ jus’ wan’ me fer me looks?” Eggsy teased wincing when his attempt at smiling irritated a cut on his bottom lip.

Merlin rolled his eyes good naturedly, “You have beauty both inside and out Eggsy.” Merlin’s hand had graduated from Eggsy’s knee to his thigh, something that they both seemed to be unaware of.

“Well shit.” Eggsy dragged out the swear word and then he looked thoughtful and then he started laughing only to let out a pained groan because he jarred his injuries.

“What the hell are you laughing about lad?”

Eggsy got control of himself, mirth shining in his blue eyes. “Ya’ kno’ the sayin’ Merlin: ‘There’s a thin line between love and hate.’”

“Yes, I am quite aware of the saying, but I don’t love you.”

Eggsy smiled widely and it was infectious as Merlin found himself returning a small smile of his own.

“I kno’ but it seems like ya’ don’t hate me as much as before.”

Merlin looked away from the smiling face, his mood becoming sombre once again. “I plan to do everything in my power to make amends for how badly I treated you Eggsy; I promise you this.”

“I kno’ Merlin, I kno’.” Eggsy sat up then in alarm almost making Merlin jump.

“What is it lad?”

“Me mum! Shite! She mus’ be out ‘er mind wit’ worry.” Eggsy tried to get off the bed only to be gently pushed back by Merlin.

“Relax lad, she knows that you were injured on a mission and she has been updated on your progress.”

“Oh, ok, tha’s-tha’s good.” Eggsy laid back on his pillows breathing a sigh of relief. “Thank you Merlin.”

“You’re welcome Eggsy. Now get some more rest and just concentrate on getting better. I’ll check in on you later.”

“Ok.” Eggsy watched as Merlin left the room, feeling a little bit better that the acrimony between them, but mostly on Merlin’s part was gone and he looked forward to the friendship that they would build with each other.


	6. Alcohol Is The Answer To Everything.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drinking can either make a situation or better. Depends on perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Google translate: Scottish Gaelic – Drathais, English- underwear
> 
> All mistakes made in this fic are mine, if you see any mistake please to GENTLY & POLITELY point them out to me.
> 
> ENJOY!!!

It was six months to the day when Eggsy watched as Harry was shot in the head on the compound of a racist church. He had asked for the day off knowing that he would be of no use to anyone today. He had sent his mother and Daisy out of town for a ‘girls only’ trip so that she would not ask any questions when he decided to stay holed up in what used to be Harry’s home, now his.

Everyone at _Kingsman_ Manor knew what day it was and so they left him alone, even Roxy left him alone; at least that’s what he thought until he heard the doorbell ring throughout the house. He was in Harry’s old office looking at all _The Sun_ articles that lined the wall. He ignored the bell until it sounded insistently three more times. Huffing he got up and walked down the stairs to the front door, getting ready to give whoever it was at the door a piece of his mind for interrupting his mourning.

He swung open the door and all thoughts off cussing out the person who dared to bother him died once he saw who was on the other side.

“Merlin.” He breathe.

The man looked at him and he knew that he was a mess, his face was red and splotchy from all the crying he did, not that he cared; given what day it was he had all rights to not look, feel or be his best.

Even though Merlin was no longer an ass to Eggsy and Eggsy himself had warmed up to Merlin they had no really done much to build an actual friendship. Eggsy from time to time would bring tea or coffee for Merlin just the way he liked it and Merlin made very nice gadgets for the Eggsy that the other agents did not get. There was a noticeable change in their relationship but they were still feeling each other out and since the night Merlin had come by to apologise he had not come by after that so Eggsy was a bit surprised to see him standing on his doorstep.

“May I come in?” Was the simple request.

Eggsy moved aside and allowed Merlin entry to his home.

“Wha’s in the bag?” He tilted his head as he eyed the bag Merlin had.

Merlin held out the bag to him which he took and opened to look at the contents in it.

Eggsy looked up at Merlin with a raised eyebrow, “A bit early innit’ fer drinkin’?”

Merlin shrugged, “never too early for drinking when you’re grieving. Now let’s make ourselves comfortable because I don’t know about you but _I_ definitely _intend_ on getting _proper sloshed_ today.” With that he walked into the living room stripping off his jacket as he did so and Eggsy was surprised to see that he was clad in a regular button shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans pants that framed his ass nicely.

“Are you coming lad?” Merlin enquired and Eggsy was brought out of his thoughts which would have gotten dangerous if he had continued along that pathway.

“Yea, are we usin’ glasses or are we jus’ passin’ back an’ forth?” Eggsy asked as he began taking out the _numerous_ bottles of high-end and very strong liquor and putting them on the centre table. “Damn did ya’ bring tha’ whole liquor store?”

Merlin chuckled at that, “just grab a bottle and drink. We don’t have to be gentlemen today.”

Eggsy shrugged and took up a bottle of whisky while Merlin chose a bottle of rum. The two men held up their respective drinks and toasted,

“Ta’ ‘Arry.” Eggsy said.

“To Harry.” Merlin echoed and they tipped their bottles back, both relishing in the taste and the burn as they swallowed.

“Holy shit, tha’s good.” Eggsy tipped the bottle to his head again and Merlin took a seat on the couch watching him.

“So do you want to hear about the time Harry had to run from assassins in only his drathais and oxfords?”

 Eggsy eyed Merlin over his bottle, “His _what?_ ”

 Merlin had a look of mischief in his eyes, “his _knickers_ lad. Do you want to hear the story?”

Eggsy immediately sat down on the other side of the couch turning so that his back was braced against the arm rest. “Yes, please.”

Merlin then launched into the story with Eggsy trying to contain his giggling and finally losing it once the climax of the story was reached.

“Oh my GOD! I nev’r thought ‘Arry would ever abandon ‘is precious suit.” Eggsy was curled into the corner of the couch nursing a bottle cognac, the whisky long finished. Merlin was drinking gin and grinning widely. He had rolled up his shirt sleeves again and Eggsy found it a bit hard to concentrate on anything else except his strong arms and tattoos.

“At least he escaped with the information we needed.” Merlin’s accent had gotten a bit thicker than usual due his semi-tipsy state. “I gave him hell about it for so many years afterwards.”

“I can imagine.” Eggsy played with the label on his bottle before glancing at Merlin from beneath his eyelashes, “so wha’ abou’ ya’? Any wild stories involvin’ya?”

Merlin was about to take a drink from his bottle but upon hearing the question he lowered it and turned copying Eggsy’s previous position in order to view him properly. He tilted his head a little still studying Eggsy who tried not to squirm under the attention he was being given.

“Yeah,” He drawled, “I have a wild story for you.” Merlin slowly tipped his bottle to his head. Eggsy watching his every movement especially the bobbing of his adam apple as he swallowed.

Eggsy figured it was just the alcohol in his system as to why the room suddenly felt warmer and he took a drink from his own bottle just for something to do.

“Ok, so it was my second year at _Kingsman_ and I was part of a field team for a mission. We were following this oil baron for _eight_ months, he was providing certain countries with enough ammunition to start wars in order to get the sole rights for drilling oil and we had gather as much information on him as possible; what he ate for breakfast, his favourite drink, down to the name of his dog that he had as a child.”

Merlin paused to have another pull from his bottle.

“Why do I get tha’ feelin’ that sumtin’ went wrong?” Eggsy was now slouched down in the couch, only his head resting on the arm rest, his legs brushing against Merlin’s though he did not seem bothered by the contact.

“Nothing went wrong per se, but because he was married to a woman we all assumed that he was straight.”

“Ok, so he was ‘bi’?”

“Nope,” Merlin pooped the ‘p’ “he was 100% gay and he had a serious thing for accents,” and here is Merlin’s gaze took on a predatory look and just like bad luck it was aimed directly at Eggsy and he felt a shiver go down his spine which he knew Merlin _did not_ miss, “a thing for the _Scottish accent.”_

Eggsy knew just how the baron felt, he had almost dropped to his knees and begged to suck Merlin’s cock when he had told him to whisper in his ear with that deep accented voice after the parachute test. That was the only time Eggsy had ever wanted to get on his knees for someone.

“Let me guess, ya’ charmed ‘im wit’ yer deep Scottish brogue.”

Merlin grinned wickedly and Eggsy felt his cock stirred, he had to mentally slap himself.

“Sure, you can go with ‘charmed’,” Merlin licked his lips and Eggsy’s eyes followed his tongue, “if by ‘charmed’ you mean I _fucked_ him seven ways to Sunday.”

Eggsy choked on the alcohol he was swallowing and began to cough. Merlin waited patiently as he got control of his lungs again.

“Wot?!” His eyes were watery and his voice raspy.

“He heard my accent coupled with my deep voice and he was a goner.”

“Hold up, where did ya’ ‘meet’ ‘im fer ‘im ta hear yer voice?”

“He was holding a black tie fundraiser and I made sure that I was at the bar when he came up to order a drink. That’s when I found out his fetish for Scottish accents. He struck up a conversation with me, asking where I was from, how often do I visit home, do I have any relatives still living there and such questions related to Scotland. After a few minutes I realized that he was inching closer and closer to me and he kept staring at my lips.”

“Ok, so how’d ya’ get ‘im ta’ let ya’ fuck ‘im?” Eggsy was more than curious.

Merlin smiled and Eggsy was a bit scared especially since that smile was directed at him and he could practically feel Merlin’s eyes undressing him.

“Like this.” Merlin gracefully got up despite the alcohol swimming in his blood system and motioned for Eggsy to follow as well which he did.

He stood happy that his legs were steady, only for his knees to almost buckle when Merlin smoothly moved into his personal space making him have to look up to see his face and his breath hitched when he felt a strong tattooed arm slip around his waist to hold onto his hip possessively.

He felt Merlin lean down a few inches and warm breath on his ear and he closed his eyes overwhelmed by the situation and the alcohol coursing through his veins was not helping one bit, if anything it seemed to have made it worse as he leaned into the warm firm body not caring one bit that it was just a demonstration.

Merlin’s lips brushed his ear as he whispered in it and what he heard whispered almost made him come in his pants.

“How about we find somewhere more private so I can whisper all the filthy things you want to hear in my accent? I bet I can make you come just from the sound of my voice and accept alone.”

Eggsy moaned when a tongue snaked out to suck his ear lobe into a hot mouth and whimpered when teeth nibbled on it. _“Fuck Merlin.”_ Was his breathy whisper.

The arm suddenly let go of his waist and he fell back on the couch with a huff, gazing up at Merlin with a dazed look on his face.

“And that lad is how I fucked a baron so much that he wasn’t walking straight when I got through with him.” Merlin grinned slyly.

Eggsy threw back the rest of his cognac ignoring the burn. Merlin sat back down beside Eggsy, closer this time so that their arms brushed each other’s. Eggsy for some reason unknown to him glanced at Merlin’s lap and saw that he was not as unaffected by his little demonstration as he would like to believe.

“I hope after all tha’ ya’ got wha’ ya’ wanted.”

“Yes, I did.” Merlin turned his head to look Eggsy in his eyes and he saw how dilated Merlin’s pupils were.

Eggsy grabbed another bottle of liquor not caring what it was just for something to do lest he climbed into Merlin’s lap and beg the man to fuck him like he fucked the baron. They had what could be called a very tentative friendship and he did not want to ruin it with his under the influence of alcohol momentary stupidity.

“Well ‘ere’s ta’ yer accent.” Eggsy held up his bottle and Merlin clinked his against it.

They settled into another bout of silence until Eggsy piped up.

“Well so far I ‘aven’t ‘ad any crazy mission stories.”

Merlin bumped his shoulder, “give it time lad, give it time. If Harry was still here, both you and he would have driven me into an early grave.”

“Wot? I’ve been on me best behaviour.” Eggsy was really the effects of the alcohol now and he leaned his head back so that it rested on the back of the couch.

“You’ve been on your best behaviour so as not to piss me off.”

Eggsy sighed, Merlin hit that nail right on the head.

“But Harry had a way of dragging people out of their shells and he would have had you pulling crazy stunts on missions. Now, don’t get me wrong Harry was a damn good agent but a bloody reckless arsehole who tried many times to give me a heart attack. If I had any hair it would be grey.”

“Do I really look like ‘im Merlin?” Eggsy asked in a quiet shaky voice.

“Look like who lad?”

Eggsy turned his head to face Merlin and he saw that there were unshed tears in his eyes and Merlin’s heart ached for him, wanting nothing more than to banish his pain.

“’Arry.”The first fat tear fell from his eye and rolled down his cheek.

Merlin gave him a small sad smile, “yes, you do lad.”

Those four words broke the dam and Eggsy began crying, not uncontrollably sobbing, but he was sniffling and tears were streaming down his face that he did not try to hide. He turned his head back to its original position as that he was staring up at the ceiling, his vision blurry and the ticklish feeling of his tears running down the sides of his head to disappear into his hair.

He did not protest as he felt two strong arms wrap around him, not in rage or to hurt him but in comfort.

Merlin did not think as he put his arms around Eggsy, pulling him close to his body where he curled into his side with his head resting on the older man’s shoulder and held him as he cried over the loss of his mentor and friend. A few tears escaped Merlin’s eyes and slid down his face to disappear into Eggsy’s hair. That is how the two tentative friends spent the rest of the day, curled into each other, crying over their friend who was taken long before his time was up.

* * *

The next day Merlin awoke with a crick in his neck, a pounding in his head and a blanket half covering him the other half on the ground. His arms were empty and the wondered where Eggsy was when he smelt coffee wafting in from the kitchen. Gingerly he got up and had to steady himself, he looked around the living room and realized that all the curtains were drawn to prevent the harsh light of day from seeping in and aggravating both his and Eggsy’s headaches.

He walked into the kitchen and saw that the curtains in there were also drawn and Eggsy was frying bacon, tongs in one hand and a full cup of coffee in the other his back to Merlin. He had taken a shower as Merlin noted that his hair looked darker and wet and he smelled suspiciously like strawberries, a scent that he found enticing and found his mouth watering for a lot more than just fruit.

“G’mornin’.” He whispered not turning around to face Merlin.

“Mornin’ lad.” He whispered back.

“There’s coffee.” Eggsy’s indicated the full coffee pot with the hand holding his own mug, “an’ some aspirin on tha’ table.”

Merlin slowly walked over and poured his own cup of coffee, downing nearly half it and ignoring the heat, he grabbed the aspirin and took two tablets washing it down with the rest of his coffee and going back to the counter to pour another cup.

“How are you feeling?”

Eggsy sighed, his back still to Merlin, “like shit.”

“Yeah, I figured. Me too.”

 Merlin watched as Eggsy turned off the stove and carried the bacon to the already set table not once looking at him which he found to be strange. He thought that they had made some headway into a proper friendship considering the fact that they spent yesterday crying in each other’s arms.

“Everything all right lad?”

“Yea’.” Came the quiet mumble. “Com’ an’ eat before tha’ food gets cold.”

Merlin did as told and could not help but feel a sense of déjà vu. It was just like the morning after the night he got drunk and basically called Eggsy a cocksucker. Thinking about it, it seemed like a lifetime ago.

They ate in silence, Eggsy studiously keeping his eyes on his plate. It shouldn’t have bothered Merlin like it was but he was beginning to feel irritated that Eggsy had not once looked in his direction since he walked into the kitchen.

Merlin could not take it anymore and dropped his fork with a clatter both he and Eggsy wincing at the sudden noise of metal hitting against porcelain.

“Ok lad what the hell is the problem and don’t tell me ‘nothing.’ I know something is wrong so start talking.” He levelled Eggsy with a glare even though he still was not looking at him.

“I jus’ ‘ave a really bad ‘angover Merlin, nuttin’ more.” Eggsy mumbled and drank the last of his coffee.

“Bullshit. I want the truth now.”

“Jus’ leave it alone.” Eggsy sighed and pushed away from the table and got up taking his empty plate and coffee mug to the sink but Merlin was not about to let him get away that easily.

Merlin got up and stalked towards Eggsy who didn’t know he had gotten up until he was roughly spun around and two strong arms were planted on either sides of his hips boxing him in and he knew there was no chance of escaping without an all-out fight. He held down his head and covered his face with his hands in frustration.

“Thanks Alistair, I now feel dizzy an’ queasy.” His words were muffled thanks to his hands.

“Cut the bullshit Eggsy and tell me what the hell is wrong.”

“Nuttin’s wrong. ‘ow many time do I ‘ave ta’ tell ya’?”

“Then remove your hands from your face, look me in my eyes and tell me that properly.” Merlin challenged and Eggsy made no move to rise to the challenge.

“Eggsy.” Merlin growled his name and it had the desired effect, he dropped his hands bracing them on the counter behind him and leaned back.

His eyes however, were still closed and he took a few calming breaths before opening them and glaring at Merlin who was surprised to see him turn red at a rapid rate.

“When I woke up earlier one o’ yer arms was aroun’ me shoulder holdin’ me ta’ ya’,” he paused and inhaled then let it out, “tha’ other one was draped across me lap but not fully an’ as a result yer han’ was holdin’ me _hardened_ _cock_.” Eggsy said the last part through gritted teeth and Merlin’s eyes widened, quickly glancing down at Eggsy’s trousers and back up to his eyes.

“I was _mortified_ Merlin an’ I got up as quietly as I could wit’out wakin’ ya’ up an’ went ta’ take one o’ tha’ coldest showers I ever took. An’ ya’ kno’ wat’ the fuckin’ cold water didn’t help. I was so hard I could ‘ave cut diamonds.”

Shit Merlin felt himself responding to what Eggsy was saying and he needed him to stop before he made the current situation even worse.

“Ok, Eggsy I get it, that’s-”

“No! Ya’ don’t get it!” Eggsy snapped and fisted one of his hands into Merlin’s shirt anchoring so that he could not move away.

“I came three times in tha’ shower! _Three bloody times_ Merlin! I kept getting’ ‘ard an’ ya’ kno’ wha’ kept runnin’ through me mind as I _fucked_ me fist.” Eggsy’s gripped on his shirt got even tighter and pulled Merlin flushed against his body so that he could feel Eggsy’s erection press against his thigh and he liked what he felt.

Eggsy was breathing hard, his skin flushed and his pupils dilated, “I kept thinkin’ how’d it feel ta’ bend ova’ an’ ‘ave ya’ ram ya’ thick cock up me arse, fer ya’ ta’ fuck me so hard I couldn’t walk or sit properly. Tha’ is all I could think about in tha’ shower. I wanted ta’ kno’ how heavy ya’ cock would feel on me tongue, how far I could take ya’ before me gag reflex kicked in, how ya’ would taste in me mouth. Yer the first person I ever wanted to get on me knees fer, ya’ kno’.”

Merlin was now achingly hard and Eggsy began to grind against him, just like the first time when he had made him come in his pants. His knuckles turned white from his grip on the counter and his breathing had sped up.

“Eggsy…Eggsy stop.” He needed this to stop before they went somewhere they could not return from.

“Yer lil’ _‘demonstration’_ from last nigh’ an’ yer words kept echoing in me head. I couldn’t get rid of them an’ I kept wonderin’ wha’ filth ya’ would whisper in me ear while ya’ held me down an’ fucked me into tha’ mattress. _Fuck!_ ” Eggsy’s hips shuttered and Merlin let go of the counter to grab hold of them in a bruising grip, not caring if he was hurting the young man.

“But then, but then I remembered ‘ow badly ya’ can ‘urt me Merlin.” Suddenly he stopped all motion and Merlin let out a whine at the loss of friction only to fall into a pit of confusion when he was pushed away from Eggsy’s fantastic body.”

He shook his head to clear it of the lust cobwebs and looked at Eggsy who had his arms wrapped around himself as if he was trying to keep himself from falling apart, a stricken look on his face.

“I kno’ ‘ow badly ya’ can ‘urt me Merlin an’ I can’t let ya’ do tha’ ta’ me again.”

Merlin wanted to kick himself.

“I ain’t blind either Merlin, I see ‘oh bloody fit ya’ are an’ I want ta’ kno’ if ya’ ‘ave anymore tattoos I can’t see, an’ tha’ ones I can I want ta’ trace them wit’ me tongue.”

Merlin swallowed, his erection still hard in his pants.

“But ya’ ‘urt me _so_ many times before we became friends an’ if I should make meself vulnerable ta’ ya’ like tha’ ya’ can ‘urt me even worse, ya’ can _destroy_ me.” He whispered the last part.

“Shit, no, no, no Eggsy.” Merlin willed his erection away and walked towards Eggsy, not caring that he seemed to curl in further on himself and took his face in his hands, tilting his head up so that he could look him in his eyes and used his thumb to wipe away his tears.

“I was a fucking cunt to you, I know that and I will admit it, but I thought we were making progress in our friendship. I didn’t know you still felt this way.” He leaned down and rested his forehead against Eggsy’s.

They both closed their eyes and simply breathed in each other scent, all else was quiet around them, no sounds were heard from the world outside the walls of the house, they were in their own little bubble in the kitchen, braced against the counter, with Merlin’s hands on Eggsy’s cheeks and his hands holding onto Merlin’s biceps.

“I’m sorry Eggsy.” Merlin whispered, not daring to speak any louder lest he should break the little peace that they had found.

Eggsy licked his lips, feeling Merlin’s breath ghost across them and nodded his head.

“I kno’ ya’ are an’ I do forgive ya’.”

Merlin smiled, knowing that he did not deserve his forgiveness but was grateful for it nonetheless, “thank you lad.”

His arms slid from Eggsy’s face to move around his shoulders where he embraced him, holding him tightly to his chest. Eggsy’s arms slid down to his waist which he encircled returning the tight embrace, his head resting on Merlin’s chest.

“Hey, Merlin.”

“Aye, lad.”

Merlin disturbed Eggsy’s hair with his breath.

“All tha’ cryin’ made me ‘angover worse.”

“I figured. You want to go and get some more rest?”

He felt Eggsy’s nod against his chest and released him from the embrace only for Eggsy to capture his hand in his.

He looked up from their entwined hands to vulnerable blue eyes staring into his.

“Will ya’ come lie down wit’ me?” Eggsy mumbled and blushed violently but he did not avert his eyes and Merlin could feel the grip on his hand tighten in both fear of rejection and nervousness.

He smiled gently and led Eggsy out of the kitchen to the guest room, they knew it was not appropriate to go to Harry’s old room, even if all they were going to was sleep.

Merlin realized that even the curtains _upstairs_ were drawn to block out the sunlight and chuckled.

“Wha’s so funny?” Eggsy slurred a little thanks to his headache.

“You made sure to cover all your bases.” Merlin indicated to the curtains and Eggsy gave a small smile.

“Yea’ didn’t wan’ anything makin’ this hammerin’ in me head any worse.”

They both got on the bed from opposite sides and Eggsy laid down on his side, not flinching when Merlin came up behind him so that his back was pressed to his chest and he took hold of the arm that Merlin slung over his side holding him close to his body.

The two men laid on the bed in the dimly lit room and were slowly lulled to sleep as they listened to each other breathe.


	7. Is This The Start Of Something More?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy meets Merlin's mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story about Merlin in this chapter, actually happened to me. 
> 
> All mistakes made in this fic are mine, if you see any mistake please to GENTLY & POLITELY point them out to me.
> 
> ENJOY!!!

A few weeks later Eggsy agreed to go to lunch with Merlin. They both knew of each other’s attraction, however Eggsy was terrified of being hurt again and Merlin did not want to break the thin string of friendship that tethered them to each other.

 They both walked side by side, taking in the calm environment, it was a pleasant week day and the children were at school and the adults at work. They passed the occasional mother pushing a stroller with her infant in it. They had not spoken a word since Merlin had picked up Eggsy at his home. 

Eggsy may not have looked it but he was nervous as hell wondering if their relationship with each other had changed somehow, since his break down the day after the six months anniversary of Harry's death. He was just working up the courage to say something, anything really when he heard.

"Alistair!" 

Both men turned around and Eggsy saw a beautiful older woman with dark brown hair that shimmered in the sunlight and green eyes like Merlin’s walk up to them.

Merlin smiled and stepped away from a curious Eggsy, “Mum, it’s so great to see you,” he hugged her tightly and she returned it.

Eggsy was shocked.

 “It’s great to see you too son; and who’s this?” She turned to look at Eggsy with a warm smile and he found himself returning it. 

“Eggsy Unwin ma’am” He said holding out his hand for a handshake and was surprised when he was pulled into a hug by her which he quickly returned.

“So you’re Eggsy.” Arabella said as she drew back, her hands still on his shoulder to look him over. “I’m am so sorry about how my asshole son treated you. I raised him much better than that.” She turned to glare at Merlin when she said that last part and Eggsy laughed.

“That’s water under the bridge. I forgave him already ma’am.”

"You're a better person than I am Eggsy, I would have kicked his arse. And enough of that ‘ma’am’ nonsense, you can call me 'Arabella'. Now where are you two lads off to?”

“We were going to get lunch would you like to join us?” Merlin offered, hoping that he was not putting Eggsy on the spot but the young man looked enamoured with his mother when he glanced at him from the corner of his eye.

“Being taken out to lunch with two handsome young lads such as yourselves I accept the invitation.” She smiled and Merlin offered her his elbow which she looped her arm through and looped her other through Eggsy’s pulling him along.

“And Eggsy this will be a great opportunity for me to tell you all the embarrassing stories I can about Alistair.” She winked conspiratorially at Eggsy who turned a devious grin in Merlin’s direction at the sound of his groan, the weird and awkward mood from before dissipating with the arrival of his mother.

“Arabella, you and I are going to be best friends.”

 Lunch was a joyous affair for the three, there was much laughter and smiles at their table inside a sunny cafe. Eggsy felt his stomach muscles cramp each time he laughed hard and he never knew Merlin could smile and look so relaxed.

Arabella was regaling him with tales from Merlin's childhood and he sat back and watched them get on like a wooden house on fire. 

“Ok, now I do not know how to ride a bicycle so our neighbour had an old one which he fixed up for Alistair to learn to ride during his well-earned summer vacation after his 3rd year at  _Eton College_. I thought it was very nice and Alistair was excited.”

“Mum do you really have to tell  _this_  story?” Merlin groaned into his coffee.

“Yes, I do.” She said and turned back to Eggsy who was enraptured with the story. “Now he fell a few times while learning but after a while he got the hang of it. So three days later he is riding, not a care in the world. What you should know Eggsy is that the road to our house slopes, so as he is coming back he picks up speed, however, what my smart son failed to remember was that we lived in a cul-de-sac. So he’s coming down at full speed and once he is a few feet away from the end of the road he remembers that it stops suddenly and he braked however, he did not brake soon enough and so the front wheel of his bicycle hit the little raised side-walk and he is flung from the bike, falls head over arse onto his back and the bicycle fell on top of him.”

Merlin hid his face in his hands and Eggsy was torn between looking horrified and wanting to laugh.

“Was he ok?!”

“Yes, he was, but our neighbour was freaking out. He came running out of his house to help him up, meanwhile I was dying of laughter and so was Alistair. He was laughing so hard he had problems getting up. Our neighbour thought I was an awful mother for laughing at him.”

"Well if I were there, I would have laughed right alongside you." Eggsy winked.

Arabella laughed, “you’re a good lad Eggsy."

Eggsy beamed at her, "if you'll excuse I have need of the rest room."

Once Eggsy was out of sight Arabelle nudged Merlin with her elbow, "you better make amends with that young man Alistair, he will be good for you and I see the way you look at him so don't even bother to deny it."

"I was not going to deny it mother, but it is going to take time. He also likes me but he's scared of me hurting again, so even if he just wants to be friends with me I will respect his wishes."

 They both shut up when Eggsy got back from the rest room, none the wiser or suspicious about what they were talking about. 

After a short argument between Eggsy and Merlin as to who would pay their bill, which Eggsy won by being light handed with the cheque the two men said goodbye to Merlin's mother and Eggsy promised to visit her. They watched as she walked away before turning down the street and began walking with no destination in mind. They had somehow ended up in the park and they sat down on a bench looking out at the river.

"Your mother is really great." Eggsy commented, his eyes never leaving the river.

Merlin looked at Eggsy, a small smile on his lips, "thank you."

Eggsy shrugged, "Just speaking the truth mate."

"I'm glad that you had fun with her."

Eggsy looked at Merlin a smug grin on his face, "I had a  _great_  time hearing all your embarrassing childhood stories.

Merlin groaned and dropped his head into his hands. "I'm going to regret the two of you meeting aren't I?"

"Yup!" Eggsy said popping the 'p.' 

Silence fell between them again only to be broken by Eggsy.

"Hey Merlin?"

"Yes lad?"

"Ilkeditwhenyoukissedme." 

Merlin raised an eyebrow and looked at Eggsy whose face was red as a tomato.

"What was that lad?"

Eggsy took a deep breath and looked anywhere but at Merlin, "I liked it when you kissed me and I would very much like to do it again."

There was a deafening silence that settled between the two men.

"Is it wrong of me to want that? I mean we've been getting along well and I don't to ruin anything-hmmp!"

Merlin had grabbed Eggsy's jacket collar and without warning and pulled him into a forceful, demanding kiss. He pried open Eggsy's mouth with his tongue and swallowed all the sounds that Eggsy made. Eggsy's hands gripped handfuls of his jacket and they were pressed as close together as they could be without Eggsy climbing into his lap in public.

Merlin sucked on his tongue and tasted the sweet tea that he had with his lunch. He let one of his hand move from Eggsy's collar to traverse down his heaving chest, to his well-toned stomach and around his side where he proceeded to grab and squeeze his firm ass making Eggsy moan even more.

Eggsy suddenly broke this kiss, his lips red, swollen and spit-slick, there was barely any green to be seen in his eyes, he was blushing all the way down into his shirt and Merlin wondered how far down it went and he wanted nothing more than to claim his lips again.

"We're in public Merlin. We can't, I can't." His hands were on Merlin's shoulders holding him at arm’s length, his head bent between his arms.

Merlin leaned forward so that he could speak in Eggsy's ear, "if you let me Eggsy's I would  _fuck_  you so hard I would  _ruin_  you for any man that may come after me. Let me have you. Let me make up for how horribly I treated you in the past. Let me  _worship_ you. _"_  Merlin licked the outer shell of his ear and sucked his earlobe into his mouth causing Eggsy to shudder and blush even harder than before.

"Fuck Eggsy, I need an answer right now before I do something highly indecent and not gentleman like." Merlin looked pointedly at his lap and Eggsy followed his gaze to see that Merlin was straining against his tailored slacks.

" _Fuck._ " he breathed out.

"My sentiments exact."

"I'm no cock-sucker Merlin."

"I know Eggsy and I would much rather get down on  _my_  knees and  _suck_  you  _dry_."

Eggsy had to subtly squeeze his own hardened cock to keep from embarrassing himself in public. Merlin's eyes darkened at the action.

"Fuck Eggsy, I  _need_  to touch you." One of Merlin's hand was on his thigh gently kneading it. " _Please_  let me have you."  

Eggsy swallowed, knowing what he was offering.

"Ok."

Merlin looked at him, eyes wide with surprise and hope in his voice, "really?"

"Yes, but only one condition."

" _Anything_  Eggsy."

"We have to go to your place."

"Ok lad." Merlin placed one more scorching, lingering kiss on Eggsy's lips which he returned. 

When they got up and began the walk to Merlin's apartment, their hands held tight to each other.   


 

 


	8. Scream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scream my name to the Heavens; let them know who you belong to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all folks!
> 
> I would like to thank everyone who stuck with me, waiting for me to finish it. And to those who will read it in the future.  
> I had no idea what so many persons would have loved it and I want to thank you all for giving me a chance.
> 
> I hope that you all enjoy this new and final chapter!
> 
> Y'all should know the drill by now: If you see any errors, please to GENTLY & POLITELY point them out to me.
> 
> ENJOY!!!
> 
> I DO NOT own any of the characters in the fic below. This is written purely for the enjoyment of the writer and the reader. No profit is being made from this or any of my other works.

As soon as the door to Merlin's apartment was closed, he had Eggsy up against, plundering his mouth and taking what he wanted, his hands leaving a trail of fire on the young man's skin from where he hands had wormed their way under his shirt.

However, Eggsy got his hands between their chests and pushed Merlin away from him. Merlin was wondering what he had done wrong when he took a good look at Eggsy; his pupils blown wide, chest heaving with every breath he took and a smirk on his lips that was doing funny things to Merlin's stomach made him aware that Eggsy was still very much on board with what they were about to do.

Eggsy stripped off his jacket and then his shirt, revealing beautiful flawless skin that Merlin wanted to mark with his lips and teeth and his toned stomach that he wanted to trace with his tongue. Merlin didn't know if Eggsy was intentionally or not putting on a show but he stopped Eggsy when his hands reached his belt buckle, opting instead to slide his large hands down Eggsy's thighs and hauling him up causing Eggsy to wrap his legs around Merlin's waist, making their cocks rub together.

"Fuck!" Eggsy hissed at the sensation and buried his head in Merlin's neck, choosing to suck and nibble, causing Merlin to slam him  _hard_  into the wall on the way to the bedroom.

"Lad if you keep that up, we  _won't_ make it to the bed." 

Eggsy grinned, wicked and sharp, "I wouldn't mind if ya' took me right here on the floor." He rotated his hips against Merlin's, "caught between two  _hard_  places."

Merlin's eyes went impossibly darker, "don't tempt me lad," he growled.

"I  _don't_ have to tempt you," Eggsy, whispered hotly in his ear, " _I am temptation."_

Merlin finally arrived at his bedroom and kicked the door open, he walked in and threw Eggsy down on the bed, and the young man laughed as he bounced, not the least bit concerned with the predatory look on Merlin's face, the lust burning in his eyes for him.

His laughter abruptly cut off when Merlin stripped off his shirt, showing off a well-toned torso covered with intricately designed Celtic knots tattoos. 

"Yer fuckin' fit. 'ave I ever told ya' that?"

Merlin smiled wickedly and Eggsy felt his already hard cook become even harder in his pants, which come to think of it were still on for some reason. He was about to remedy that situation when he caught Merlin's hands on the button of his pants and his mouth went dry. Ever so slowly, the Scotsman pulled the button and lowered the zipper so that the pants fell low on his hips and Eggsy could not help himself; he sat up and pulled Merlin between his spread knees so that his face was in line with his hips and proceeded to suck and bite at Merlin's pronounced hip bone.

Eggsy then mouthed along Merlin's abs, all the while filth was dripping from the Scotsman's mouth until he could take the torture no longer and pushed Eggsy back down on the bed.

"Yer goin' ta' be the death of me lad." His accent had gotten thicker and the green of his eyes were non-existent at this point.

"Right back at you mate." Eggsy replied, "now how 'bout ya' lose them pants?"

Eggsy almost lost his damn mind when Merlin did as suggested and he saw that impressive cock he had rubbed himself against on various occasions, majority of them unpleasant, but Eggsy pushed those thoughts from his mind, tonight was the start of something new between them and he would not let past actions and words come between them.

"Feelin' a bit over dressed here mate."

Eggsy felt fire run through his blood when Merlin's gaze ran over his half dressed body. Merlin leaned over him , his large hands wrapping around Eggsy's slim waist.

"Let me help you to not feel so overdressed."

Merlin then slowly dragged his hands to the front of Eggsy's pants waist and down to rub at his hard cock, causing the young man to buck his hips.

"Merlin, if ya' keep teasing like that, I will come and leave you high and dry."

"I'd like ta' see ya' try lad."

With that Merlin made fast work of relieving Eggsy of his pants and he stood there, admiring the view of pale, unmarked skin before him; there for the taking.

"Wot?' Eggsy asked, a smirk on his lips.

"Yer fuckin' gorgeous lad."

Eggsy blushed at the sincere compliment. "You're not so bad yourself old man."

"Old man?" Merlin raised an eyebrow at the taunt. He pushed Eggsy further up the bed and climbed on, lowering himself so that he and Eggsy were pressed together from chest to legs , bracketing Eggsy's head between his arms he lowered his head so that he could speak in Eggsy's ear, "I'll show you what an old man like me can do." 

He raised himself up on his arms so that he could look at Eggsy's face properly and using his knees he pushed Eggsy's thighs apart and inserted himself into the space where he lined up their cocks.

"I hope you weren't planning on going anywhere tomorrow Eggsy, because after I am done with you, you won't be able to walk not to mention you will be hoarse because I. Am. Going. To. Make. You.  _Scream._ " He emphasized each word with a hard thrust of his hips making both their erect cocks rub against each other's that had Eggsy moaning and squeezing his hips with his thighs.

"Fuck Merlin, if ya' continue doin' that I  _will_  come." Eggsy warned, even though he was rocking his hips up into Merlin's.

"No you won't," Merlin growled and Eggsy shivered from the pleasure that was racing through his veins like a drug. "You will come only with me inside of you and only after I have fucked you raw."

"Then get on wit' it Merlin."

"Alright lad, but I need to stretch ya' first, don't wanna hurt ya'."

"Wat's a lil' pain mixed wit' a whole lotta pleasure?" Eggsy smiled seductively at him.

"Another time lad. I want our first time together to be as painless as possible."

"Such a gentleman."

"Not always lad." The smirk on his face was wicked. 

Eggsy watched as he stretched towards the bedside table drawer and extracted a bottle of lube. Merlin poured a generous on Eggy's entrance before proceeding to stretch the young lad, while teasing him with brushes of his fingers against his prostate.

"Mer-Merlin, if ya' continue ta' tease me I  _will_  hurt you."

"Empty threats lad." He rubbed his fingers over his prostate again and Eggsy could not help it, he came hard, his vision went white and his back arched elegantly off of the bed. 

Merlin watched as Eggy's chest rapidly rose and fell, and before he had a chance to come down from his high, Merlin slammed into him, making his back arch and for him to scream out. The force was so much that the bedhead slammed into the wall.

"Fuck!" Eggys managed to open his eyes and look at Merlin, a satisfied feeling in his chest that Merlin looked just as fucked out as he was feeling at the moment. He wrapped his legs around his waist and brought himself up on his elbows so that he could kiss Merlin. 

"Fuck me harder." He whispered against his lips when the kiss broke and Merlin happily obliged. 

He pulled out until on the head of his cock remained in Eggsy and viciously slammed back in. Eggsy howled, and Merlin had the passing thought that if anyone heard the lad, they would think that he was being murdered.

The two lovers rocked the bed, their pants and moans echoing in the bedroom and Merlin soon felt the tell tale signs that he would be coming.

"I am not going to last any longer lad."

"Neither me." Eggsy managed to get out in between pants. "Together, wan' ta' come together an' fer ya' ta' come inside me."

"You are surely going to kill me with your words lad."

Eggsy smiled up at him. His blue eyes dazzling, cheeks red and his delicious unblemished skin sparkling droplets of sweat.

"Neva' Merlin, I jus' got ya' wouldn't wan' ya' ta' leave me so quick."

Merlin claimed his lips in another heated kiss, as his hips began to thrust erratically. He broke the kiss, "look at me," he commanded. "I want you to see my face when you come."

Eggsy opened his eyes, blue meeting green and very soon both men came; Merlin in Eggsy and Eggsy on both his and the older man's stomach and chest. 

As they both came down from their high, Merlin wrapped his arms around Eggsy's body and held him tightly against him.

"Know this Eggsy," Merlin whispered into his ear as his weight pressed the young man down into the mattress, "you don't  _ever_  have to get down on your knees for me."

 

**_ The End. _ **

 

 


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